LOVING ME

I have loved you enough,
for too long it would seem.
I have serenaded you with
bouquets, taken you to the seaside,
to watch the sea woo the earth under the moon.
I have taught you how to hear the world
inhale and exhale each breath that makes
our hearts sing and our feet tap
within these words that I so often speak
but my gifts are a pauper's diadem
on your beautiful brow and your eyes
seek for the diamonds in the stars.

My poor words I will therefore take back
like the desert reclaiming the Savannah
before they grow stale like old bread.
My early morning kisses that you spurned,
my late afternoon wishes that you
could barely bear,
my sweet good nights that you ignored,
I take back and gift myself.
I too need to be loved .
I need to be serenaded and entranced
like a moth before a candle flame.
I need to be romanced like a bee
and a sweet scenting flower.
I too need to be shown love with words
that taste as sweet as honey.

This is not masturbation
but if I can't be allowed to love you
then I'll love myself.
I'll write love poems and hide it beneath my pillow.
I'll send myself bouquets of dying flowers.
I'll wander the beach at night, listening
to the sea weep and the world breathe.
I'll love me enough for your lack of love
not to matter as much as it should.

I can love me again.
I am sure of it.
I have not loved me enough
and maybe that is why you cannot love me too.
I will love me and cuddle my bones,
listen to my worries and soothe my soul.
I will cradle my head in the crook of my arms
and tell myself that it is alright to be alone,
happy and at bliss with the soul of the world.
I can love me.

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©warpedpoetic, 2019.