See clearly what's happening, perhaps too clearly, perhaps when I'd like to lie to myself. Then again, sometimes I'm utterly blind.

Isn't that the beauty of it? When you think you've got everything figured out you realize that you didn't see something obvious, that you might have seen if you weren't that busy following and trying to untangle every single thread in your head?

All of what you've said about the past, I agree wholeheartedly, you know. I don't live in the past, but just like you, I refuse to forget about it. I feel it teaches me things about myself, things that sometimes take mere moments to see, and sometimes it takes whole years. See...

Because one day, you'll look back and wish things had been different, maybe, and the only consolation you got is that you did the right thing.

...I don't know if there's a right thing and a wrong thing. There's no scientific way to prove it. Right by whom? By me? Even the worst murderers sometimes do what they think is right by themselves. By someone else? Kind of pointless. Been there, done that, it ends up doing even more damage. I'd rather think of my past choices as something I did following certain parameters, and I need to decide day by day where I stand about those parameters, and why they're there. Where they come from. I know it sounds extremely mechanical, and I think by now you must have noticed I'm not exactly a mechanical person. But logic is, and it has always been, my best friend :) Also,

You can't judge past choices based on who you are now, on all the experiences, lessons and heartache you've acquired in the time since, because it's not fair to the you who made the choice.

...what makes self-consciousness possible is to refuse any kind of judgement. If I did judge my choices I wouldn't be able to be honest about myself, with myself. Or with you, here, probably. This means, for me, that when I look at my scars I might feel some regret, but I never, ever hate myself for anything. I'm all I've got in the end.

And as always, I feel I led the whole conversation in a direction that goes way beyond what the original intentions were. I loved your poem, it says a lot about relationships of every kind and self-clarity, and it does so in a very straightforward way. I swear to you you're the only person I've ever met who can get me rambling about the past this much.

I'm fine, thank you for asking :) Some feelings I like to cultivate for my own selfish, artistic desires :D

I feel we might not be that different on that front. Except for the fact that I don't have an artistic bone in my body. But hey, no one can beat my cultivation skills :D