Sometimes, I just want to take my face, off

I’m sitting at a poker table and every players demeanour is as still as a dead wind salt lake surface. The giant trevally that are whirring underneath the surface are working symbiotically to avoid the temptation of the next big lure, making sure they only capture the unhooked live feed. They move so patiently and seamlessly no one can tell if they’re even there. My eyes scan these surpremely skilled poker faces and one catches my glance like a silent threat.

My poker face instantly transmutes into a puffer fish that just caught wind of a of a sudden change in water temperature. If no one was looking at the time, the spikes would have jabbed them in the face ensuring all eyes at the table were alerted to my lack of concealment. I may as well throw my cards in the air and walk away at this point, all buy-ins forfeited, take my money and my trumps, cut my losses and practice something else. Come to think of it, how did an amateur end up at a professional table. Time to deflate, pull those spikes in and re-focus on the skill, not the stakes.

I’ve come across a slither of people in my lifetime that are born with the gift of presence. It’s as if their old soul didn’t finish what it came to do, so it had to come back and finish the job, instilled and determined to foster its worth and contribution through the span of a new life, from birth. These people are still, unwavering, and solid. I’ve thought perhaps there is an unfathomable amount of turmoil processing in their deepest sanctum, and perhaps there is, but I think these people have addressed the turmoil and moved past it. Otherwise they would have broken a long time ago.

Then, there are those that need to work at it. They may have a natural inkling to be this way inclined but the skill needs attention and finesse. A jump scare may make them bounce, but they don’t scream and grab the first limb next to them and squeeze until that person politely reminds them to let go with a swift jab to the wrist. Their constitution is strong but their weakness is written all over their face in times of vulnerability. Should I say it’s only human..? Isn’t everything we do only human though. At any rate, maybe the end result for working hard at this unshakable attitude is more than worth the effort.

Then, there are those that simply don’t care. Nothing bothers them and they just sort of cruise through the turmoil, relying on the helping hand of Lady Luck, and could it be that because of this very disposition, Lady Luck favours this free flowing type. Sometimes it’s difficult to spot the difference between this type and the first type and the first type I mentioned. There is however one big difference, the first type is in the game to win, the last, is in it for fun and is not concerned if victory is theirs or not.

Sometimes when the cards fall dismally, I just want to take my face off. I don’t want to take my face off to give up, I want to take my face off to step back and evaluate, find my strong suit and play to that, find my weak suit and support its sacrifice if that’s what’s required. Understanding what’s in the hands of the other players comes with time as the game progresses. Unfortunately in this lifetime I haven’t been gifted with natural presence, but maybe one day I won’t feel the need to take my face off. Maybe I’ll be sitting across the table from you one day and I’ll see your puffer fish, or maybe I won’t.

** Under surface stuff

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