ehy dear @yourmind, your voice expresses all the pain you feel. it is as painful as any word can't say, but anyone who has lost someone can understand. you are also very young and perhaps this is your important loss. I remember when I was young, a young friend of mine died, friend of friends. I mean I knew him, but he wasn't really my friend. the news, however, struck me strongly, because for the first time I realized that I would never see that person again and only the memory of his beautiful blue eyes remained. Always remember it in your heart, and live your life with joy for him too. It seems a stupid thought but it serves to feel it always close and not to waste a minute of this life that he did not have the chance to experience !! I hope all the best for you, a big hug