RFK Jr. Claims a Worm Ate Part of His Brain

As if his story wasn’t already insane enough, the New York Times is reporting that in his divorce case deposition from 2012, independent presidential candidate Robert F Kennedy Jr. claimed that in 2010, he experienced a health crisis that "was caused by a worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died.” Kennedy further claimed he also had “mercury poisoning” that “dramatically affected his memory.”

While some of you may laugh, the fact is - I fully concur with RFK Jr’s claim of memory loss - because, as far as I can determine, he seems to have completely forgotten he’s a Kennedy. Now, is it just me, or does anyone else feel like we’re right in the middle of some superhero comic book plot? One where we have two evil villains - the first being an orange-colored, loud-mouthed racist “Bond-Style Villain” who longs to be dictator, and the other a conspiracy theorist and madman whose brain is being eaten and controlled by an alien worm spreading mercury poisoning. So, in summary, we have one guy’s brain being eaten by worms, while the other guy’s brain is being devoured by syphilis.

Who’s writing this shit anyway? Then, to add more tension to the plot, it appears the only one left who can save us all - is an 81-year-old man who wears aviator sunglasses. All of that aside, its obvious this Kennedy fellow really knows how to run a campaign. Let’s face it; nothing says, “You can trust me to lead the mightiest nation on Earth," quite like saying, "A worm ate part of my brain." Now, not to be critical, but after this worm talk, I can’t imagine who’d still wanna vote for him. Then I remembered MAGAs simply LOVE tales like this. I mean, this is a guy who sounds like he’s about “this close” to shooting a puppy in a gravel pit. On the other hand, I’d be more than happy to take him fishing with me, given his access to worms and all.