A Woman’s Guide to Real Empowerment:

Tired of abstract activism? #MeToo

Sexual assault is one of the hot topics of 2018, and as a result we've seen swathes of celebrities step up to voice their opinions on the newest Hollywood scandal. Many of us normies will recall two that two months ago, we witnessed these courageous heroes wearing black at the Golden Globes in order to protest rape culture.

As it turns out, our dearest idols are almost unanimously against rape. Phew!

Unfortunately for these beautiful idiots, ‘Time’s up’ badges don’t stop rape. Wearing black doesn’t stop rape. Strangely enough, even spouting anti-rape statements directly into a camera doesn’t stop rape.

Instead of real progress, we’re being offered vague, feel-good solutions to one of the most complex problems in human history. As important as it may be to ‘raise awareness’ and ‘teach our boys about consent’, you can’t always talk someone out of being evil. Do we really believe that Bill Cosby committed such vile acts because his father never sat him down and gave him the old ‘don’t drug women and have sex with their unconscious bodies’ speech?

Predators will always exist, but this doesn’t mean that there’s nothing we can do. Instead of attending endless marches and screaming ill-defined grievances at a faceless government, we need to take deep breaths and remind ourselves that the only actions we can control are our own.

Defining a Problem

Women are physically weaker than men. This puts us at a significant disadvantage from the get-go. In many societies throughout history, we dealt with this reality by keeping women at home and mandating that male family members accompany them in public. Although this is still a practice in some cultures, women in West have been granted the independence to pursue a life of freedom. This comes at a cost though: With the right to travel alone, we now have a greater responsibility to protect ourselves- a task which many of us have never been taught how to do.

While educating boys on the importance of respect is certainly a useful practice, we should simultaneously teach our girls to recognize predators, escape from dangerous situations and defend themselves if necessary.

What You can do to Avoid Sexual Assault

Listen to Your Heart(beat)

We come from unbroken lineage which began at least 3.5 billion years ago. What do all of our ancestors have in common? They all made it long enough to reproduce. The first brains popped up about 550 million years ago , and since then their primary job has been to help us figure out how to survive this Hellish death trap of a planet. Unconsciously, we are constantly checking for signs of potential conflict. Staying safe can often be a matter of listening to any warning signals if and when they occur. According to 'The Gift of Fear' by violence expert Gavin DeBecker, most victims report having a ‘bad feeling’ before the incident occurred; this is because brains and bodies are experts at sensing danger.

We've also evolved parts of our brain to deal with complicated social situations. Take the prefrontal cortex, which is largely responsible for regulating social behavior. One of the main jobs of this 'social brain' is to exercise top-down control. That is to say, it suppresses impulsive, animalistic actions- what I'll refer to as the ‘instinctual brain’. Conflict between the instinctual and social brain occurs every day: When you’re craving cake, but swimsuit season is right around the corner; when you want to fling dung at your boss, but you’re worried people will call you ‘ape lady’; or when you want to cross state borders, but can’t, because you’re on parole for flinging dung at your boss.

There’s a dark side which accompanies the capacity to stifle our instincts: Imagine that you are at an office Christmas party, when an esteemed co-worker begins to make very overtly lewd, sexually charged remarks at you. You nonverbally express your distaste by distancing yourself from him and attempting not to engage in conversation. Throughout the night, he subtly trails you, ending up in whichever circles you are in, talking to the same people as you.

Suddenly, when no one is watching, he lays his hand on your ass. Your mind goes blank. Your sympathetic nervous system switches into overdrive: Your heart races, you begin to hyperventilate and shake. Playing the contrarian, your social mind is attempting to downplay or rationalize the situation- ‘he’s just drunk’, ‘it’s not that bad’, ‘he didn't mean to'. Your body remains still, unable to take action.

This ‘deer in the headlights’ phenomenon, also known as fear paralysis, seems to be part of the fight or flight response. Though it's a perfectly natural for prey animals, it can lead to an inability to make vital split-second decisions, and is thus an important personality weakness to conquer. Navy Seal Jocko Willink advises overcoming this limitation by facing fear and discomfort on a regular basis.

Don’t be Nice

Psychometric data indicates that women are statistically more likely to be compassionate and polite, and less likely to be assertive and aggressive when compared to men. Since we live in such an unusually peaceful society, it is easy to imagine that those who are temperamentally inclined to be meek will face few situations which force them to overcome this flaw. Life is easier than it used to be: instead of fighting off foreign invaders as our ancestors did, we moderns humans try to convince strangers to stay in our houses via AirBnb.

Some people have never developed the ability to act aggressively, or even impolitely, because it is rarely necessary to do so anymore. Psychopaths understand this, and will create social situations to exploit these people. Take prolific serial killer Ted Bundy, who often wore a cast around his arm and asked women for help loading objects into his car.

Politeness and compassion are perfect virtues right up until you find yourself helping Ted Bundy with his groceries.

If you notice you tend to be more of a pushover, you may be at heightened risk of being manipulated. Psychologist Jordan Peterson has a great summary of how to deal with being too agreeable.

Self-Defense

It’s almost never a good idea for a woman to take on a man in hand-to-hand combat, violence should be avoided in all but the most extreme circumstances. I’d recommend Sam Harris’ article ‘The Truth About Violence’ for some practical safety tips.

That being said, it never hurts to know how to deliver a swift kick to the balls. Learning self defense also has a number of peripheral values. Martial arts will teach you to make decisions in high pressure situations, give you the explosive muscle power needed to sprint away, and help you to form an intuitive understanding of body language and movement that will enhance your ability to assess danger.

There is a huge spectrum of martial arts styles, some more practical than others. Some are designed to be beautiful some are designed to enhance your chi powers, and some are designed to help you stay alive. If you’re after the latter, you can’t go wrong with a good MMA or BJJ class.

While We’re On the Subject of Self Defense…

No matter what your position on guns is, I’m sure you’ll agree that firearm owners should be as well trained as possible. If you own a gun, sign up for classes that will prepare you for a real-life situation. Shooting at an attacker involves deafening sounds, adrenaline and movement, which no amount of target practice can train you to deal with.

Comments from the Peanut Gallery

What do you think? Is the onus all on men, or should we be better training women to recognize and deal with danger? Questions, opinions and safety tips are all welcome!