RE: Psychology Addict # 37 | What Do you Do When Things go Wrong?
Ok, as I'm writing this, I'm not sure where I will end, but since you shared about your friend, it can't hurt to share something about myself as well.
For me, the answer whether you will get through difficult times or not is quite binary: either you kill yourself - or you don't.
I don't think there's much in between. It may sound trivial, but this is something really important to be constantly aware of:
As long as you have not taken your own life, you still have something to live for. It's important to start focusing on these things.
How to actually get there is the main question for people dealing with hardships like affective disorders.
I've spent many years with these thoughts and feelings. The numbness, bitterness, anxiety, sadness. I actually cherished them - as weird as this may sound. I WANTED to feel miserable, because I thought this is the only way of me feeling at least something. There were times, when I exercised till my muscles hurt, my body almost broke and then I took a knife and used the tip of the blade and pressed it into my body to feel the pain - because I needed a way to distract myself from the thoughts which were tormenting back then every single fucking day, hour and minute.
These were the few times I actually felt alive.
The alternative would have been as simple as final. I don't know how many times I sat on that specific spot on the bridge near my place. I could have just ended it back then. Once and for all. But obviously, I didn't.
Sometimes I ask myself, whether this was the right decision - but judging from my current life situation, the amazing people I've met after that time and the ones who were already there with me, I'm glad I stayed on that bridge and not below it.
My point is:
Even if life is apparently fucked up, there might still be something worth living for. Either it's the people who care about you, or the things you can do to prove every hater wrong. If only cynicism and spite are what's keeping you alive - good. Embrace it, let it fill every singe breath of your body. With time, it may transform into something more positive - but for a start it can you to survive. Many people think, that hate or other kinds of negative thoughts are bad in general and nothing of use can emerge from them - they are wrong.
Hate can sometimes provide you with the necessary strength to pull yourself out of the misery, to burn this fucking dark forest down to the ground - and built a monument on top of it.
As long as you are alive: keep going - and if the world wants to punch you, just break its wrists.
An emotional read it is Ego!
And, there is a lot for me to take-in here. This comment of yours has given me a lot of food for thought. You always challenge my views!
So, starting with how you propose the two extremes of emotional distress:
don't kill yourself --------------nothing in between ------------------- kill yourself.
As extreme as this may sound, and as much as I disagree with it (mainly with the nothing in between) the way you make sense of this is very objective and, in my opinion, can yield positive outcomes. I am glad you highlighted it! :) "Focus on what you have chosen to live for"
But, here again, you challenge my beliefs. What if 'that thing' one has chosen to live for is an ill-feeling or an obsession? You seem to theorize here that this will eventually shift. Gosh Ego, how can something positive emerge from ill-feelings? You can indeed burn the Dark Forest down with hate, but how can you build something positive on the burnt ground when you are fueled by cynicism, and spite?
A shift must occur!
The accounts of your past are truly touching Ego, and they make my heart beat faster with angst. But, I only believe you are where you are now, not because you were pushed by misery; but, because you underwent a shift!
I am not saying that what you proposed here in wrong; or, that my way of thinking is the correct one. I am still going to ponder on what you wrote here. Particularly this part : " Hate can sometimes provide you with the necessary strength to pull yourself out of the misery ", which from a neuropsychological perspective I find hard to understand.
Much love to you always Ego 😘
I really appreciate you sharing this incredible insight. It is very relevant to this discussion and touches on some truly good points.
😉 ❤
I’m glad I was able to give you something new to think about :)
I’m curious: what’s for you in between? Either you’re alive – or not. I don’t see anything else.
Even if it is an ill-feeling/obsession – it helped you to survive and that’s what counts. You can see it like that: your actions might be driven by hatred and despite – but you are still able to act, since you are still alive. This also means, you have at least the possibility to change for the better at some point – something which is obviously not possible, if you had taken your own life.
Personally, I consider despite and especially cynicism as an extremely helpful way to deal with many obstacles in life. You don’t expect too much from other people, you reduce the risk of getting disappointed to a bare minimum, you want to prove them wrong and just BE BETTER than they are. It’s a highly competitional way of thinking and living and certainly not for everyone, but sometimes it’s really better to burn down as much as possible – to create something new from the ashes. Old habits need to die, making space for new ones to form.
I think, it’s a combination of both. Cynicism helped me to push me to that point – and some transformations helped me to get a grip onto many things. But I’m quite sure, I would not have made it so far without my antipathy towards most people.
I’m curious: what don’t you understand there exactly? Have you never felt the adrenaline rush which occurred along intense hate? Were you never in a “fuck it all” state of mind? The idea is something like: “I’m still here, I’m stronger than you, you didn’t break me, I know that I’m superior to you.”
It pushes you to your limits – and beyond them. Born out of hatred, you emerge stronger than ever before – and no matter what life throws in your way, you will just fight back.