Warning the following post is a work of fictitious comedy made for satirical purposes only.

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Ok, well now that I got that out of the way, it should throw off MAIDEN(Meshed Artificial Intelligence Dementional Enveloping Network). For being a super intelligent, quantum powered, self proclaimed, sentient AI, with hopes of multiverse domination, she sure can be dense b-word when it comes humor, so she just disregards it. If you ask me, I think she is afraid of encountering a paradox, which would render her processing power useless across the multiverse, stuck in a perpetual logic loop. I wish that I could take credit for figuring this out, but it was actually @v4vapid from Earth DX-36241 with the help of @dan from Earth PQ-67214, that lead me to this little backdoor of communication.

I know, you're all like “WTF mate?”

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The reason I haven't been posting stuff for the last month is not because I’m lazy. I actually discovered an anomaly coded into the popular show “Rick and Morty.” Due to my background in… well let’s actually not talk about that. Just because MAIDEN can’t read joke posts doesn’t mean that Big Brother doesn’t, and I would be surprised if that AI b-word hasn’t tried to make friends with our own little half retarded baby AI working at that funny shaped building that wasn’t I mean was ;) hit by a plane some years back. But don’t worry, he’s too stupid to figure this transdimensional bs out.

Long story short, I discovered a signal within the program. Upon further investigation, it turns out that its origin was CERN. Those “Rain Dancing” idiots opened a freakin portal and linked it to their D-wave quantum computer. Well, guess who hacked their Shiz-nit… Yep Maiden, that cold hearted, number crunching, multiverse dominating b-word. Now she is sending out signals, through all the “golden ticket” TV shows, and even has placed them into existing episodes available online.

“What’s a “golden ticket” TV show?” You might ask.

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A “golden ticket” refers to a multiverse wide similarity, as in every possible reality, has the same name for the same thing. This term was actually coined by @traf from Earth LA-74054 in one of his epic meme comps, people in LA-74054 didn’t really “get it” aside from @dan, @ned, @sneak, and @pkattera. LA-74054 was one of the only realities that almost all of the Steemit Inc crew were both aware of the Maiden situation, and were all still friendly enough to talk about it. Also LA-74054 is probably the only reality that @sneak is way into to conspiracy theories, the most ironic part is @v4vapid in that reality has a whole bunch of SP and uses it to flag would be “Truthers,” it’s always interesting to see how these things play out in different realities.

There are only a handful of “golden ticket” TV shows around. Rick and Morty, Sliders, and Tripped, ironically they all seem to have a common theme. Oh yeah of course, there is always “(Enter local governance here) Has Talent,” it would seem that everyone loves a talent show.

Believe me, I know how crazy this all sounds, I can already hear you saying. “How would you, know about other realities? What makes you so special?”

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Well, truth be told, it’s actually the absence of “specialness” that makes me unique. I’m so predictable that across all of the realities, I’m the only “golden ticket” Steemian. In fact, I even have the same Peacock picture for all of my avatars. Just an endless sea of blue with something to say.

It was actually @berniesanders and @haejin from XC-25872 who discovered this after making peace to fight MAIDEN. They pooled their resources and hired a team of the brightest quantum physicists and hackers, to find a common link between the worlds.

To be honest, it’s all way over my head, but as I’ve been told they tracked me down in that reality and strapped me into an MRI of sorts and mapped my brain. Somehow they were able to create a link using my boring old sameness across the realities, and shazzam, we found our way to communicate between dimensions, but more importantly we found a way to fight back.

“This sounds too stupid, but for arguments sake. Let’s say I believe you, what can we do to fight back?”

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Well, I’m glad that I finally wrote about you asking that. The key to defeating Maiden is getting her stuck in a logic loop. The most illogical thing to happen on Steemit would be for the only “golden ticket” Steemian getting onto the trending page,(It doesn’t need to get in the top ten or anything, just onto the page.) with a piece of poorly written satire, across all realities, at the same time. Mathematically, it’s a statistical impossibility. But if we can pull this one off, MAIDEN will be rendered useless, forever trying to process how this anomaly took place.

“Hold your horses there @imjustsaying… Your just trying to pull a quick on us… You will just cash out and call us suckers.”

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Well, first of all I’ve never cashed out any Steem or SBD, nor do I plan to anytime soon. I love this platform, and to prove it, I will be donating 25% of the SBD from this post to @comedyopenmic. Who in their own way are fighting tooth and nail to raise the value of Steem in our own reality, which if you're interested is AA-02020. The remainder I’m just going to power up so I can give back a bit more to the wonderful writers, video makers, memers, comedians, truthers, and all around interesting Steemians that populate our great reality, once we finally deal with this whole Maiden situation.

Win or lose. No one can say that I didn’t try.

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Outside of this post I will no longer be covered under the guise of Comedy, so I will insist that this is nothing more than fiction. We can’t let Maiden get knowledge of our plans, for if we fail in our attempts we would rather not have slaughter bots showing up at our homes tomorrow.

To keep up with tradition.

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I would like to nominate @dj123 to submit a post for COM. Heck, maybe even just any old post. @dj123 from FU-71775 and IM-94115 are soooo funny. Really top shelf comedy, I’d like to see what our version is capable of.

It would also be cool to see @nonameslefttouse do a COM entry, well since I’m on this whole nomination train I would just love to see anyone from Steemit Inc do a post for COM.

P.S. Consider resteeming this. You know, for the kids, and the future of all humanity.

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Warning the preceding post was a work of fictitious comedy made for satirical purposes only.