#BACKTOSCHOOL... A Truth Bomb
Good morning boys and girls, my name is Mr. Melkor and I will be your Tyrannical Overlord. Ooops, that slipped out. Today I will be your teacher. I'm going to teach you a few things about one of your most beloved icons: school.
Everybody excited? Ready to have your eager young minds soak-in the knowledge? Okay, here we go.
Early on in the industrial age, as people streamed from the countryside to the cities the ruling elite had a problem: what were they going to do with all of these independent, hard working farmers to turn them into compliant factory working, tax paying slaves... oh, my bad, that was meant to be "workers".
The Germans, being quite efficient, figured it out first. They designed a new brainwashing and retraining center and called it a public school. Before long, the elites everywhere else copied this great idea. It was a formula for success: tell every family to take their precious children and bring them to school five days a week from a very early age until the day they were ready to go out and work. Every day the kids would sit in a neat row in a classroom where an authority figure, called a teacher, would tell them exactly what to do, what was right, what was wrong, what was important, what was not, who was a friend, who was the enemy, what they should want, what they should avoid, what was good and what was bad. All the bases were covered: from A-Z.
Decades went by and the brainwashing and control over the youth of the world was perfected. The trick was to make the slaves... oh, "students" and parents believe that all of this was being done to benefit them. Everyone, or almost everyone, bought into the system. And why wouldn't they? They didn't know any better. Through all of their formative years the schools had a captive audience. Both the parents and the children had been indoctrinated in the very same system.
Now, 150 years later, schools are still the same: the neat rows, the authority figure at the front and a school board on top to make sure everything goes just smooth as silk. Unfortunately, a new corrupting influence threatens the school system. It threatens to do the unthinkable crime of freeing the slaves. It's called the internet. It's a place where anybody with a computer can get access to learning and knowledge for free. They can do it from home. They don't have to be lined-up in a row in front of some half-assed teacher that spews the party line. They can self-direct their learning. They can, very worst of all, think for themselves. The horror!
That's it for today boys and girls. I hope you paid attention to Mr. Melkor's lesson. There will be a pop quiz on this material next week.
Class dismissed...
I look forward to the pop quiz ;)
Attention Class! Here is the first question of your pop quiz:
I would most certainly choose the second option. First because wresting sounds like awesome fun. Second, because I would not want my child to suffer the idiotic Nazism of the system. I'm perfectly capable of helping my children find their way ;) grade,
Your grade is a B+
You got the correct answer; however you made two mistakes. First, honey badgers and fire ants don't fuck around; therefore, it would definitely not be "awesome fun".
For more on honey badgers and their tendency to not give a fuck here is a link:
The other mistake that forced me to reduce your grade was your reference to "Nazism". This is incorrect usage. If you had instead said "post-modern socialism" then you would have received bonus points.
Since you are the only student to answer Mr. Melkor's pop quiz, you receive the reward for being best student. For all others in the class, they can expect an extra dose of smiting and tortuous damnation.
Congratulations on surviving the pop quiz.
See, that is exactly why i left the school system. Teachers expect one specific answer and they don't give bonus points for anything else. Abuse of young minds, I say.
Nevertheless, thank you, oh teacher. I shall try to do better next time.
Student Update
From: The School Board of Infamy and Damnation
Date: There are no dates in the Timeless Void
Topic: Mr. Melkor
Attention all students! Mr. Melkor has been awarded the honor of being the Most Hated and Feared Teacher in The Void. To celebrate this great achievement, the school board has decided to build a gargantuan bronze statue of Mr. Melkor's sinuous body in the pose "Curb Stomping the Bad Student". It shall be displayed in front of the main entrance to Mr. Melkor's School of High Achievement and Blasphemy.
In other news, student Honeydue has been awarded student of the month, and shall receive a free chocolate chip cookie in the school cafeteria as her reward.
Congratulations, sir! The name suits you well. And thank youfor the great honor you have bestowed on me. It shall be the greatest cookie ever tasted.
Psssst... Mr. Melkor will whisper the secret ingredient in the cookie that makes it taste so delicious: the secret ingredient is The Salty Tears of Outraged Social Justice Warriors. Don't tell anyone! I don't want them stealing my recipe.
@melkor got you a $2.48 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)
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