Why Your relationship is doomed the moment it started

I know what's going on right now in your mind as you read this title, i mean how could ones relationship be doomed even before things got started? Well, am sorry to break this to you, it really is doomed. However there are other things you would want to know.

So what are we waiting for? lets roll!

Before we get things on the way, lets understand the foundation of this postulate "Your relationship is doomed from the moment you said yes".

Have you ever paused and wonder why we grow old and not young? why water flows down the hill and not up? why ice melts but never un-melt?

All of these questions are similar in one aspect. They all refer to an irreversible system or occurrence! An irreversible system is one that the present state or final state can't be reversed to its initial state. e.g, we can't just decide to go back to the baby we were, neither can the melted ice(final state) return to un-melted ice(initial state).

Similarly to the above, we can also ask why does yesterday differ from today? and we have this psychological instinct that tomorrow will also differ from today. This invokes a directionality in time, time tends to move towards the future and not backwards. Physicists call this, the arrow of time.

i know you can just say, perhaps, that's how it was meant to be. Shockingly to physicists and should be to you, it wasn't really meant to be like that. The laws of physics permits us to grow young, permits the ice to unmelt, the water to flow up the hill, and also for time to move backwards!.

So why doesn't this happen in reality? well, is not like we are clueless about it, its actually as a result of the second law of thermodynamics.

You might have heard of thermodynamics, but if you haven't you should have heard its famous first law; energy can neither be created nor destroyed but be converted from one form to another. And if you haven't heard that too, then its simple, it is a branch of physics that deals with the study of energy how it is transferred and how work is done by it usually in form of heat(thermo).

So what does the second law says about all these and your relationship? Well it states that while energy can only be transferred and not created, this energy cannot flow from a place of smaller quantity to a place of higher quantity. In other words, energy can only flow from a place of higher energy to a place of lower energy. just like heat flows from a hotter body to a colder body and the reverse is not true.

The second law seems not to have too much implications at first, but one of its grand implication is entropy(level of disorderliness), and the second law is usually stated in form of entropy. This state that "For an isolated system the entropy of that system cannot be spontaneously reduced over time, but will increase or at most stay constant".

Entropy And Your Relationship

Entropy can be loosely defined as the level of orderliness or disorderliness of a system. In other words, if a system starts with a lower entropy, or let say starts out very ordered with time that system will get more disordered. Enough of the physics now. Lets pull things together.

Naturally when you purchase something new, it is expected that with time the thing worn out, as it get old. what is actually happening is entropy increasing for the object, hence it loses order. So also is it to new babies and even newly found love.

From the relationship perspective
When we fall in love, we are usually excited at first and happy, because its a new feeling, its a new system we just created, and it started very order, we enjoy the company of our partners, etc... However entropy is none forgiving, the relationship's entropy(disorderliness) increases with time, things starts getting less ordered, apologies increases with time, and we usually have this psychological buildup of events, fatigue builds up, accumulated stress, and many more. All these are as a result of increase in entropy, but this increase is unavoidable, the 2nd law of thermodynamics assures that fatigue will build up and the relationship stress will increase, just until the system reaches its maximum level of disorderliness which is usually a breakup!

So why do we have relationships that strive? Well, because no relationship can actually be a perfectly isolated system.

And the only way to let the system fall in order is to get a source of new energy that can be used to rearrange it.! How do we do this?

1. By ensuring we have more positive memories than sad or negative ones

Unlike a classical physical system, the human body and ties are biological systems also, as a result our feelings and actions are adjustable and unpredictable. Just by remembering how things were good, we can have the will to fight for our relationships, and that will is fresh energy, if we use it well we can help to put things more orderly, but remember, they cannot be reversed, that is why you should avoid an apology by doing right by your partner, because the system is irreversible.

2. Avoid repeating same schedule

A lot of people are persons of habit, not bad, but some are so conservative that they will never try something new. But this can be very damping to our relationships. The least thing you want to do in your relationship is to bore it out! Because you will just end up assisting entropy by ensuring the relationship is closed to being isolated.

And it is actually isolated when new memories are not made, and usually these memories are source of new energy to fuel the system especially in times where it is highly disordered.

3. Your relationship isn't a mechanical system

There's no need to be too strict with the way you go about things in your relationship. Let things loosen up, there's no need to make things follow a rigid pattern or law. what is predictable is boring, what is boring easily loses luster, and before you realize, its has reached a state of high disorderliness, and boom its breakup!

Disclaimer: This topic isn't a topic in physics but a work of imagination. Emphasis were laid on the physical aspects because matters of love are usually biological, yet a lesson could be learned from this physical approach. If you have questions or doubt please ask, discussions are welcomed. If you seek to improve this work for better readability and understanding please do so by pointing out some areas. Thanks Cheers!