Quick Tips for the Socially Anxious

      Social Anxiety can be a bitch to deal with at times. Especially if you, like me, are more extroverted than introverted. It makes the lack of social skills hurt that much more. Back when I was at my worst I would spend everyday wishing that I could flip a magical switch in my brain and get rid of my issues in an instant... but this is reality. I never got to flip that switch, but there were a series of lifestyle changes I made which drastically improved my quality of life. Once I did some of these things my ability to socialize and interact with others improved markedly. It's at the point now where most people would have to know me for an extended period of time (a month?) before even realizing that I still fight these things at times. I want to share a few of them with anyone who may be dealing with similar problems.

#1. Podcasts, Podcasts, Podcasts.

      I'm putting this at number one because it's the easiest step to take. It doesn't actually require any effort which causes stress on your part, but it can help you out a lot. Listening to/watching people with great conversational skills interact with each other for upwards of an hour can positively impact your own social skills to a greater degree than you'd tend to think. It can help you realize that certain moments (conversational breaks, occasional interruptions, off topic interjections) which you may believe to be solely due to your own awkward nature, are actually natural parts of socialization which happen to everyone at times. At least it helped me realize that, which led to me being much more comfortable with others in a one on one or small group environment. Since becoming an avid podcast fan I've also noticed that I've picked up unconscious quirks and positive habits when it comes to how I talk to strangers. I won't go into detail, but trust me. Watch podcasts. I made a whole post about this which I'll link here

https://steemit.com/socialanxiety/@swism/podcasts-and-social-anxiety-plus-my-favorites

#2. It's Ok to Talk to People

      This is the biggest thing you need to realize, but also the hardest to truly grasp. Every time you spend a social situation quietly sitting on your phone, or awkwardly white knuckling it out of anxiety, you're doing a disservice to yourself. If you're still in school, and you're either in a new class or sitting in a new seat with people you haven't met before. Don't be that one person who spends the entirety of their time uncomfortably trying to avoid any interaction. If you're at a family event, chat with your family. Finally realizing this brought about the biggest change in my life. Its ok if you get nervous and fumble over your words, or say something strange. Most of the time nobody but you will even notice, and if they do it'll be out of their head by the days end. On top of that, every misstep or mistake you make lessens the chance of it happening again. Things will slowly get easier and easier. I know that this is the last thing most people want to hear, because it's so obvious and can be very difficult, but it's the most important step to take. I'm not telling you to go out and cold approach strangers trying to make conversation, but when an opportunity presents itself, don't shy away.

#3. Don't Hide Behind a Friend

      During my first semester of college I realized something important. All throughout highschool I would try to keep a friend or someone else I'm comfortable with around me at all times. I used to lament about how much I hated walking alone in school, and getting placed in a class without any friendly faces was a nightmare. Then I actually began making an effort to expand my comfort zone and learned something. Constantly keeping a friend around you can be limiting. That first semester of college, I had an interpersonal communications and a math class. In my math class I had a close friend taking it with me, and in my communications class I went in solo. Despite my math professor offering up much more opportunity to interact with the rest of the class than any math class should, I spoke almost exclusively to my friend. In my communications class however, I made nice with everyone in the class. I knew almost everyone's name and most of them knew mine. I engaged in a pick up line contest in front of the class, I narrated presentations, and increased my social confidence exponentially. In certain situations having a friend around can put you at ease and allow you to open up more, but at times it can lead to existing in a bubble if you aren't careful. Not only that, but in the beginning I found it helpful to take things on by myself, as I often cared less about the judgement of strangers than that of an observing close friend.

#4. Don't Take Yourself too Seriously, and Stop Overthinking.

      In the past I was guilty of taking myself far too seriously. I would leave every situation stressing to no end over analyzing everything I said and did. Morning the certain loss of a potential life long friend or spouse. Even just typing that out makes me cringe now. Everyone's life doesn't revolve around you. How many instances can you remember of observing someones awkward behavior and judging them profusely in your head? At the end of the day, nobody cares. Sure, maybe you sent out a conflicting vibe with that stranger, but guess what? There's billions of other people on the planet. If that one person doesn't care for your personality then they're not the one who's approval you should seek. You shouldn't be seeking anyone's approval who you don't already have a rapport with actually, but that's a whole other post in itself. When you over analyze a situation which made you uncomfortable you're only enforcing the neural pathways in your brain which predispose you to social anxiety. When you find yourself doing this it's crucial to occupy your mind with something else, and redirect your attention elsewhere. Once you make a habit out of doing this eventually it becomes instinctual and the intrusive thoughts will stop.

Bonus Tip: I forgot to add this in when I wrote up the post. But it's important to remember that socialization is like a muscle. The more you use it the stronger it'll be. As someone who deals with more resistance in that aspect than the average person, you'll have to work the muscle that much more often if you want to maintain your comfort-ability and communication skills.

Don't take anything I tell you as gospel. I'm not a licensed therapist or otherwise officially certified to treat any disorder. These are just the things which worked for me, and I feel as if they could help a great deal of others as well.