Hey man! I saw this post a few days ago and quickly read it. At that point I knew that I had to wait until I had the time to really dive into it before I made a comment. I have some free time now and I read the post about 10 times to really take it in. This is a beautiful and deep post. The first thing I thought was that you can not run away from the past. Wherever you travel your issues will travel with you. I have experienced this too. Everyone wears a mask. When you are with family you have one mask. With friends another and with strangers another. Some masks feel more true to your real self than others. But you still wear them to keep the peace or for other reasons. This quote seemed very powerful, "So the truth might be rather that I was running away from myself instead of looking for freedom". This is what I have done and many other people. We feel that by moving locations that we are experiencing freedom but in reality we need to look within to free ourselves. I have personally experienced the vast emptiness through deep meditation. In my experience it was a wonderful place that when I was there I did not want to leave. When I came out I felt sad that I was no longer there. It was a place of total contentment. I have a pretty busy live but I try to give myself one day per week to just be present and still. I hope my experiences and insights help you. I realize that I may not of fully grasped exactly what you wrote about.