Unrequited Love

I want to love her in such a way that she feels free
Free from the standards of beauty
Free from the judgmental eyes of the world
I want to love her in such a way that I’ve never loved before
But… I’ve never loved before.

I don’t exist to her, not in the way I want to.
Her heart has been stepped on and misconstrued.
To me, she is Aphrodite
To her, I am nothing but mortal, just another friend.
To me, I love her unconditionally, despite her past.
But her past haunts her; her past was abused.
Her mended heart cannot survive another tear
She’s been scarred by her past relationships
The same way her wrists have been scarred by her ex-lover.

To her, I do not exist because she does not know what true love is
Despite my nonexistence to her, I still love her unconditionally.
But the real problem was: she was only just a figment of my imagination.
She did not exist; I just loved the idea of her
The idea of rescuing someone and loving them for who they really are.

….Maybe…. Maybe I’m part of the problem.

I grew up learning that “boys don’t cry” and that “boys will be boys”
I was taught that Mario always saves Princess Peach, that Sora saves Kairi from evil.
That the men always saves the women … from danger.
But what I didn’t know was that I am danger.
I grew up thinking that I was the savior, that I must save her from danger.
I had to save her … from myself.
I grew up falling into the wrong mindset … the patriarchy.

But, wait a minute….
Who said she needed help?
And who said she needed my help?
Hell, how can I help her when I can’t even help myself…?
I’m haunted by my own demons;
Demons that I must face on my own.
I must dismantle my patriarchal beliefs from within.