URGENT!!! THE KING HAS RETURNED!!!

Hello America,

For the last thirty days I have been traveling around the nation and secretly watching my subjects like an episode of undercover boss. I must say that I am not impressed. For too long, I have sat in my castle, listening to my servants and senators report to me inaccurately, if not dishonestly, about what is really happening.

There have been riots, murders and forest fires. But you know what? What I found most shocking was the complete faith so many people had in their favorite news corporation. Whether it was Fox or CNN, the steadfastness and crazy look in their eye concerned me, and it happened more than once. I was assaulted with ideological rants, with gesticulating that looked like a mating ritual for a rare bird, from long ago. If you are a fan of these 24 hour news program fear machines, I want you to ask yourself why?

The classic answer is to be informed. If the news was in the information market, I would support it and the idea of free press. But make no mistake Americans, the news is at best disinformation, and most likely sublimely rewiring your brain to consume more, stay home and be afraid of everything. Journalism is dead.

Americans, I call upon you to unplug the news from your life and submit yourself full time to being American. You can volunteer and really make a difference. There are positions available like helping International Americans acclimate to the awesomeness that is America and driving instructor. We also have fantastic nature reserve packages available for those looking to see the frontier!

Shun Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity! The game show host, turned most important journalist ever, Anderson Cooper is even worse. They all have two masters. My only advice is to listen to what they say and imagine the exact opposite.

If you would like to know more about propaganda, liars and criminals please follow The King of America.

I also want to say, if you enjoy being an International America, reach out and tell a friend. During these times, sometimes you just need a little help from your friends.