Happiness Is a Choice, Even When Life Isn’t Perfect
I have a friend I’ve known for more than eight years. We studied together at university, shared classrooms, exams, laughter, and the kind of memories that usually turn into lifelong bonds. Time passed, life moved on, but our friendship remained.
Yet over the years, I began to notice a pattern in her. Almost every conversation drifted toward complaints: about her life, her circumstances, her disappointments. She often said that no one in this world is truly happy, as if happiness itself were a myth people only pretended to believe in. What struck me most was that she didn’t just express her sadness; she wanted to hear the same from me. It felt as though my unhappiness would somehow validate her own.
The truth is, my life isn’t perfect. Like nearly everyone else, I have problems, struggles, and moments of doubt. But I choose not to live there. I focus on what I have rather than what I lack. I notice small joys: a peaceful morning, a kind word, a quiet achievement, and I celebrate them. I feel grateful for the blessings in my life, even when things aren’t ideal.
I tried to share this perspective with her. I encouraged her to look at the good she already had, to practice gratitude, to shift her focus toward the positive. I spoke from a place of care, not judgment. But nothing changed. She remained sad, and over time I realized something uncomfortable: she seemed to feel a strange sense of relief, even satisfaction, when others were unhappy too. As if shared sadness made her feel less alone, or more justified in her pain.
That realization was painful. It taught me that while I could offer light, I could not force someone to step out of the darkness if they weren’t ready.
Lessons I Learned
This friendship taught me that happiness is not about having a perfect life'it’s about perspective. Two people can face similar challenges and experience life completely differently, depending on where they choose to focus.
I also learned that not everyone wants solutions. Some people are attached to their pain because it feels familiar, or because it gives them a sense of connection and validation. Trying to “fix” such people can quietly drain your own energy if you’re not careful.
Most importantly, I learned that protecting my mindset is not selfish. I can be compassionate without absorbing someone else’s negativity. I can listen without surrendering my joy.
Psychological Reflection
From a psychological point of view, my friend seems caught in a cycle of negative thinking, what psychologists often call a negative cognitive bias. When someone repeatedly focuses on what is wrong, the brain becomes trained to notice only pain and disappointment. Over time, positivity can feel unrealistic or even threatening.
Her comfort in seeing others unhappy may come from emotional validation. If everyone is struggling, then her sadness feels normal and justified. Happiness in others, on the other hand, might challenge her belief that life is only suffering, which can be deeply uncomfortable.
On the other hand, my own approach reflects gratitude-based thinking and emotional resilience. By acknowledging problems without letting them define my entire reality, I create space for contentment and meaning. This doesn’t deny pai; it simply refuses to let pain be the whole story.
In the end, this friendship reminded me that while empathy connects us, mindset defines us. And sometimes, choosing joy is the bravest and healthiest decision we can make.
