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RE: Enjoy the ride
Thank you! 🌞 The only way for me to be strong is to simply not think about it - to find other, distracting objects to concentrate on. Whether it will be work, whether it will be something else - pleasant or unpleasant, it doesn't matter at all. The important thing is to simply not be related to this. So that's what I wish for right now - other things to focus on. I can't wish for myself to be well, because so many people, young people, die every day. How am I any different from them? What right do I have to want to live? It is what it is. It's just some kind of fate, that's it.🤷♀️
There is so much we must do for our own wellbeing, often just to provide a distraction from the fear. If I let myself dwell only on the fact that I’m not getting well, a deep dread starts to take over, so I keep myself busy. It isn't easy, but we have every right to live fully. Fate is one thing, but spirit is another. I once saw a patient who looked genuinely happy and even healthy, despite what her hair loss told us. She must have been incredibly strong. I don't know how she managed it, and I didn't even know how to ask.
It really takes a lot of strength and wisdom for this thing. A lot of life experience, or just wisdom that doesn't come with life experience.
I think that when a person manages to distance themselves, from themselves and from everything, they can see how funny the scary things seem, and how everything is a game, a predetermined path, and even when you don't have the free will to make decisions about your life (and I claim that people don't), life can and should be accepted as it is. Because it just is, and nothing more.
It’s a heavy thing to realize how much of our lives are shaped by things we didn't choose. Losing that sense of free will is a hard truth to swallow. Sometimes it leaves me 'crippled' for days with anger and resentment. I fight to keep these issues from becoming the center of my world by distracting myself with small things. Even something as simple as putting on body lotion helps—it’s a tiny act of self-care that chips away at the negativity. I feel like I’m rambling, I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else.
What's your hobby or anything you feel interested in?