The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*CK #1 | MONDAY MOTIVATION #2
Monday Motivation
Welcome to another installment of Monday Motivation here on my blog! Every Monday I share with you information that I learnt from reading books throughout the week, hopefully motivational!
This Mondays' book is The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fck* by Mark Manson.
What I would like to share from reading this book:
1 Don’t Try
Self-improvement and success often occur together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the same thing. When we stop and think about it, conventional life advice – all the happy self-help stuff – is actually fixating on what we lack. It emphasises our personal shortcomings. We learn about the best ways to make money because we feel as if we don’t have enough money already. We follow dating and relationship advice because we feel unlovable already. Social media will tell us that the path to a better life is more, more, more. Buy more, make more, own more. We are constantly bombarded to give a fuck about everything. The key to a good life, Manson says, is to give a fuck about less, what is true, immediate and important.
The feedback loop from hell:
We are so worried about doing the right thing all the time that we worry about how much we worry. We get sad so often that we feel sad about it. This ‘hey-look-my-life-is-better-than-yours’ social media has bred a generation of people who feel that negative experiences aren’t ok. Back in grandpa’s day, he would feel like shit and think to himself, ‘Gee Whiz, I feel like a cow turd today. But hey, that’s just life, ill just get back to shovelling hay’. But today, if we feel low for just five minutes, we are bombarded with 350 images of people being totally happy and having amazing times. The trap is feeling as if something is wrong with us, getting sad about being sad or angry about being angry. This is why not giving a fuck is so key. The feedback loop is short-circuited. Acceptance of what is, is hugely helpful. We joke about first world problems, yet depression and anxiety is the highest it has ever been. Even though we all have large flat screen TVs and have our groceries delivered for us. We have so much stuff that we don’t know what to care about. We get so caught up in everything that we are so distracted and avoid our problems. The avoidance of struggle is a struggle.
In the short time that we have on the planet, we only have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. If we care about everything, we are going to get fucked ourselves. Choosing what to give a fuck about is difficult and takes of lot of discipline to achieve.
What does it look like not to give a fuck?
1. Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.
Essentially, this is not giving a fuck on a true, authentic level. Indifferent people never wash their hair because in reality they care about what everyone thinks about it and telling everyone that they ‘want to be different’. We must give a fuck about something, its in our DNA.
2. To not give a fuck about adversity, you must first give a fuck about something more important than adversity.
The person who is sat around at home all day has nothing to give a fuck about, so gives a fuck about the smallest thing. When a person has no problems, the mind will find a way to invent some.
3. Whether we realise it or not, we are always choosing what to give a fuck about.
As a young child, we can see that they give too many fucks. Ever seen a kid cry his eyes out because his hat is the wrong shade of blue? As we age we begin to notice most of these things have little impact on our lives. We become more selective about the fucks we give. This is maturity.
This book has the aim of choosing what is important. Being comfortable with suffering and to overcome the pain is to bear it.
2 Happiness is a problem
Pain and suffering are inevitable and we should let go of trying to resist them. There is an assumption that happiness can be algorithmic. If I achieve X, then I can be happy. If I look like Y, then I can be happy. This premise is the problem. Just like a lot of points raised in the book, the greatest truths in life are usually the most unpleasant to hear.
Stress is biologically useful. The constant dissatisfaction has kept our species fighting and striving for the benefit of human evolution.
‘Don’t hope for a life without problems, there is no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems’.
Happiness comes from solving problems. Solving. If we are avoiding our problems or feel like we don’t have any, then we are going to become miserable. Happiness therefore is a form of action. True happiness occurs only when we find the problems we enjoy having and enjoy soving.
There are two ways in which we can avoid our problems:
1. Denial
Problems are reality. If we deny reality we must do it constatntly. This may feel good in the short term but leasds to a life of emotional repression.
2. Victim Mentality
We choose to believe that is nothing we can do to solve our problems. Blame others and blame the circumstances. We do this because it is easy.
If you feel crappy, its your brain telling you that theres a problem unaddressed. Positive emotions are rewards for taking proper actions. We are taught to repress our emotions, although this can prevent us from dealing with problems. And if we cant solve these problems, this prevents our happinesss.
Choose your struggle
People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate pain that you get from inside the gym.
I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result not the process. And this is why I failed. Life doesn’t work this way. You are defuned by what you're willing to struggle for, people who enjoy the struggle of a gym are the ones with chiselled abs. the job is in the climb itself.
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I wrote a post abt it too)) Don't know why but this book is the most discussed in instagram. Somebody likes it a lot, others say it was a wasted time. However, better to have own opinion. For me it was easy and fun to read, moreover Ive got some insights too. Hope, Mr. Manson will keep writting.
I am Not a Book Lover As Such! But after reading your Article , I am force to go through it! Thanks for Sharing :)