Compulsion: A Story Written for @tristancarax

in #story5 years ago (edited)

For those of you who have read my stories in the past, prepare yourselves: This story is like no other I have written. You will discover thirty-word sentences, with multiple dependent clauses. This is not my style.

The rule generally governing my writing is, less is more. However, @tristancarax, an extremely creative Steemian, has thrown down a challenge. He has created a strict format in which writers must tell a story. There will be exactly 31 sentences in the story. Each sentence will have a defined length, and the order of the sentences is determined in advance. Every sentence must be a true sentence, except the sentence with 1 word.

There's more. We have a prompt! Check out @tristancarax's blog for a full description of this, but it relates to styles of thinking: a growth mindset vs a determined mindset.

This is the sentence order @tristancarax mandated:

4, 8, 6, 7, 15, 24, 3, 16, 25, 26, 10, 21, 29, 13, 28, 12, 2, 9, 23, 31, 22, 5, 18, 1, 11, 14, 17, 27, 21, 20, 30

I had more trouble counting the words, than writing the story 😄
In the spirit of adventure, and in support of my friend's creative enterprise, I am offering:


van-gogh fractal pixabay.jpg

COMPULSION


Out, damned spot, out!

I kept thinking of that line from Macbeth. My aunt was on her knees. She was vigorously scrubbing spotless floor panels. Her feet were bare, because she would never wear shoes on her precious oak floor.

Where was this spot, this ugly gash that tortured my aunt, haunted her dreams, tormented her sleep, and pulled her prematurely from slumber? Where was it?

A beam of sunlight streamed upon the high gloss floor, but I could see no blemish. My aunt gripped sandpaper in her gloved hand, and buffed until the beam of sunlight moved across the room and found a corner to illuminate. As my aunt scrubbed, glistening rivulets of perspiration formed in the crevices of her furrowed brow, which deepened to match the intensity of her crimsoned cheeks.

I moved closer, to try and see what she saw. Nothing was there, certainly nothing to warrant such focused dedication, such frantic expenditure of time and energy from this distraught woman. I wanted to intervene in her frenzied exercise, wanted to abort the fruitless activity, but I knew she would not welcome interference, would not, could not, tolerate a challenge. My aunt, you see, was eccentric, perhaps a bit mad--a family secret.

The inclination toward madness may be said to run in some families, certainly in our family, and we do not like to acknowledge this congenital flaw to outsiders.

My father was eccentric, I admit, as was his father before him. It's worrisome. I might be troubled, if I dwelt upon this. I recognize the tendency that ran strong in my father, and in his father, is the same that now afflicts my agitated aunt. As for me, it is true I check the stove, and check again before going out, and I wash my hands whenever I touch a light switch, or any suspect surface. But I have the ability to be discrete, to conceal my inclinations, and would never allow anyone else to witness these peccadilloes.

Awareness indicates rationality, they say. I am not like my poor aunt, who, despite the calloused knees cannot see unreasonableness in her behavior.

Stop! I want to shout it, but this would have no effect. Only through sheer physical exhaustion, or after complete darkness, will her labor mercifully end.

As I stand here talking to you, please know that I am conflicted, because I cooked this morning. A question nags in the back of my mind, a refrain, one that makes me uneasy, urges me to go check--did I turn the stove off? But I resist, because there kneels my aunt, compelled by obsession, and I will not let compulsion take hold of me.

She is beginning to wheeze, as exertion takes its toll, but apparently this does not diminish her will to clean. I suppress thoughts of the stove and continue to monitor my aunt--this done with love for her, and a dark foreboding that today's events might foreshadow my own future.

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That's a funny way to play with written language. You did very well with the implementation of the guidelines - it was fun to read your story!
Best regards,
Chriddi

Thank you! I had a friend, now deceased, who was a brilliant poet. She used to bend her talent to archaic forms, as a kind of verbal calisthenics. It's good (but painful!!) to test our limits.
I appreciate your support and kind words.
Warm regards,
AG

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THAT IS AN AMAZING STORY!!!!! I was totally engaged from the first word to the last. I laughed, I worried, I became the speaker and wonder the same about myself now.
Compulsions! Insanities! PECCADILLOS!
I love every word of this story. I was afraid to try the task, but now I see it stretched your mind into contortions you didn't know you could do. I love this.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Believe me, I do some 'checking' at home and a lot of hand washing. So much of what we write is an exaggeration of something from our own lives.

Do try the exercise. The counting really is the hard part. But that's OK. Every time we challenge ourselves, we grow more brain cells. :))

I hope this contest takes off. @tristancarax has an interesting idea here.
Be well, @owasco.
Regards, AG

I'll try it next time. Now is way too late with the deadline tomorrow.

I'll try it next time.
Now is way too late with the
Deadline tomorrow.

                 - owasco


I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

At least you got haiku bot :))
Next time!

Ditto that!!
Took longer to count the words than write the story - I believe it. The things we can accomplish when challenged outside our usual m.o. (and "Less is more" is a great m.o. for writers).
I've been out of town and consumed with family-- in good way! -- and not oline as much.
trying to catch up before the laptop battery dies...

I've missed you!

I loved your intro! It made me smile and get all warm inside.

Wow! Another masterful piece. I love how you handled this challenge, @agmoore. I've enjoyed seeing sentences written in some unusual ways.

So much fun to read. Seems like the dude was trying to represses some issues and not face the cause of it. Maybe those family secrets?

Thank you! I almost felt Edgar Allen Poe peaking over my shoulder. I think I was channeling him :)
It's wonderful that you have initiative here, and that you keep writing, writing, writing.
Glad to be part of your undertaking.

Thanks for sharing. Entertaining and well written.
Also: have my like because you managed to squeeze 'peccadilloes' into the story.

Thank you for that delightful comment! I see you are new here. Sometimes it's easy to get lost. My first blogs had 0 payouts. But in time I made contacts and found a comfortable place here.
I'll try to keep track of you and give you a warm welcome.

That's a warm welcome already. Thank you. :)

This is brilliant stuff, every word a gem, extraordinary given the restrictive formula you were writing to.
It immediately put me in mind of a joke my father used to tell. At the time Zam-buck was used for treating anything from a scratch to a decapitation......
A ghost appears on that spot every night mother
Well rub that spot out duckie
you couldn't rub that spot out mother
Well get some Zam-buck and rub it in!

Oh my, it's not often anything I do is described as 'brilliant', especially at home :) I love your ditty. Laughed out loud with the last line.
You are a riot:.."for treating anything from a scratch to a decapitation"
Never heard of Zam-buck before. According to Wikipedia,

"A 1908 report published in The British Medical Journal estimated that the cost of ingredients for a standard 0.6-ounce (17 g) box was one farthing, yet its retail price was 1s 1½ d, a markup of 5,200%, equivalent to a gross margin of more than 98%" !!

Thanks for the kind words. Writing fiction for me is a risk (to my ego)...much 'safer' to write nonfiction essays.
Have a great day.

You have garnered support from the @bananafish community. We appreciate you're fine work and hope that you will continue to produce awesome content for us to feast our minds on.

Thak you, @bananafish. Hope all is well with you.

I take my hat off to your ingenuity in creating this particularly difficult story to carry not only because of the restriction of words, but also because of the psychological penetration of the characters. Excellent, @agmoore!

Thank you so much for coming by, and for that high praise! You are a great writer--meeting your standards is wonderful.
Have a great day, @zeleiracordero

Where are the @curie curators?! This is brilliant! Stupendous! @upmewhale?

😇
You are kind...I'm happy. Good friends came by and liked my writing. Wonderful feeling.

Wow! What an amazing story so lovingly told and that last paragraph gutted me. You sure do like a challenge and I admire you for answering the call. All of those numbers and mandates just made my head spin and want to run away. You and your writing talent amazes me. Applause with a standing ovation!

Hello friend,
Made my head spin, also. I don't think I ever made my way, successfully, to the end of a long division problem :))
However, I do test my modest abilities for friends, and that's @tristancarax.
Thank you for your kind words, @whatisnew. Have a wonderful day!

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