FORGIVE AND FORGET

I and my best friend met when we were in 100l We immediately clicked.
We shared interests , hobbies, and developed a deep trust and loyalty for
one another I shared most of my secrets her,thoughts and feelings with her and she did thesame with me . We went everywhere together, hung out together. We enjoyed being around each other . It was the kind of friendship which is too hard to find .
The friendship survived the test of time Eventually, we were both living once again in the same city and the friendship continued to thrive for many more years.
And then one fine day , without offending her she just called me and said , “ I do not want you to contact me for a reason best known to me ever again Our friendship is over . Don’t worry i. Will be okay . But we just can’t be friends anymore. ” I was stunned.
How could she betray our loyalty, friendship and trust that we had built for over decades? Have never being hurt like this in my life even when my first boyfriend broke up with me And I worried about her extremely strange behavior .
I thought that I must have severely upset or insulted her , though I couldn’ t recall anything I may have done to her . I tried all my possible best to asked her what I did yet she won't tell me,all she kept on saying was that "we can just be friends again.
I waited for days, days turn to weeks and months, and numerous calls went unanswered text disregarded .she was totally ignoring me .
Finally , i sent her a voice note through whatsapp that what she was doing to me was extremely unfair,its really hurting me and i deserved the courtesy of a face to face conversation and a real explanation as to what was going on .

Later that day ,she called me back and asked to come over . I thought I was finally going to get a understanding as to what in the world had
overtaken my best friend . But I got nothing of the sort. Instead she yelled at me for, in her words , not being a true friend in just leaving her alone .she left and I cried for a long time , mourning our long standing friendship that died for no apparent reason . It was a complete mystery to me . I racked my brains to try to figure it out but there was truly nothing I had done wrong to her and she refused to discuss it .
We bumped into each other every so often . I felt extremely angry and hurt . It was as if I was experiencing the stages of grief over someone dying .
I wanted to forgive her but I couldn't . My hurt ran so deep . How do you forgive someone that's hurt me so bad,if I did something wrong she should have told but she kept that to herself
Maimonides encourages us to be very open : If one is hurt by someone else . . . he must make his pain known to the person who wronged her . . . If she requests forgiveness, one has to
forgive her. So , I decided to try and explain to her what he had done that had
wounded me so greatly . I wrote him something along these lines :

The fact that you ended our friendship and especially the way you ended it was extremely hurtful I felt pain all over me . You don't even think about how I will feel or acknowledged having to sadly and tragically end it.
Knowing you for as long as I do, it is very surprising to me that you don ’t
realize all this. Perhaps you want to discuss things.I'm always available

She received this note and she adamantly refused to apologize. Any attempt on my part to make some level of peace between us was met with the same denial of doing anything wrong followed by blaming me for being the crazy one .
Months went by . On occasions we ran into each other , we just ignored each other in uncomfortable silence . How do you forgive someone who has no remorse for the hurt they caused you ?

That question haunted me for months. I knew our friendship wasn't coming back , and I wasn ’ t really looking for it anymore. But I felt hurt. An apology would have done wonders but it wasn't going to come .
Then , one day I was at a friend ’ s house and met their five year old daughter. She looked at me and said aunty you are so sooooo ugly !” and then proceeded to run away.
It was a bit embarrassing but I didn’ t get angry with the girl.
Some days later, I was walking in the street very close to my house when an insane, homeless man came up to me and starting shouting accusing me of a crimes that I supposedly did to him . Once again , it was so embarrassing , but I simply walked away without feeling any hurt or insult . I wondered why was I able to look past these insults without needing any apology whatsoever, yet I continued to yearn for an apology from my best friend.
The answer became very clear . When a young child or an insane person insults you , you know they are not really in control of what they are saying.
Their mind is not really all there , ’ so their insults therefore don’t come off as real insults .
When a person can’t think straight , how can you be hurt , angry , or insulted with what they do ? You feel pity, not anger.
I began to internalize that whatever my former friend was going through , came to her breakoff of our friendship, she was temporarily ‘ insane. ’ He wasn't really all there I conjectured that maybe she was jealous of what she perceived was a better life she thought I was having. Maybe she was frustrated with her lack of fulfillment and suffered from a lack of self -worth . Maybe she had thought that , at her age , she would have been further along in life than she was . Maybe being around me just reminded her of her perceived inadequacies. Maybe she was experiencing a mid - life crisis , had lost her
equilibrium , and forgot that I could have been there for her as a loyal friend. Instead , I became the tragic casualty . The old trusted, loyal friend that I knew and loved wouldn’t even recognize me anymore.

If I could begin to look at my old best friend as someone full of pain and confusion , full of a lack of clear thinking , at least in this particular area of her life , I could forgive her .
I began to feel compassion and pity for her. Then one day I sent him another voice note saying that I forgive her. . I even started saying a
casual hello whenever we ’ d see each other .
Am I really comfortable when I see her ? No . But at least I have pretty much let go of the anger and hurt .

If one was hurt by someone else but did not want to rebuke him or speak about it with him or her because the sin was very small or because the offender ’ s senses are flawed , but one forgave him or her in his or her heart . . .
I know I am not the first person to be in this kind of situation. Too many others have lived through similar pain and there aren’ t always apologies offered . I think a good part of the issue , for one reason or another , is due to the offender being truly incapable of thinking clearly .
I didn’ t want to be ‘ that lady who wasn ’ t on speaking terms with someone for years. Thank God , I was able to forgive her.
learn how to forgive and to try to make peace with people of whom we are not on good terms
We all know people , sometimes even family members, who are not speaking terms. The relationship may never return to what it once was , but we will have let go of the pain and negativity. there ’ s nothing more vital to a healthy state of mind.
Do you have someone you need to forgive who has never apologized and may never apologize ? If you forgive him or her it will certainly be a great merit for God

Thanks for reading