Unlike all of his classmates, Tandon wasn't book smart.

In fact, he wasn't really good at anything.

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Tandon was a scrawny, quiet kid with ashy brown hair, a mild lisp, and a huge case of shyness. He was also pretty close to being booted out of Seven Stars University for Aspiring Mages.

He could only levitate on his left foot, often leading to him tucking the other leg like a flamingo with an inner ear problem.

His summoning spells lacked something to be desired. Without fail, they always resulted in calling a deceased janitor named Will up from the nether realm. But for a guy that continuously screamed in anguish, he seemed nice enough.

Potions was an absolute shit show of magical proportions, as well. Tandon was the only kid in 300 years to take a simple brew for acne and turn it into a salve that forms breasts where applied. Really, it was a happy accident because that formula was going to have him set for the rest of his life.

However, he will never live down his... busty class picture.

So naturally, he dreaded the upcoming transmutation test in the morning. The last thing Tandon needed was one more mark of embarrassment and spent the entire night practicing desperately. Thus far he had managed to turn every piece of his dorm furniture into potatoes of gargantuan scale and one very startled goat.

Not bad! ... But he was trying to turn a flower into a pen. Which remained untouched atop a rather table-like potato.

He paced the room and watched the chair-now-goat nibble on a bit of his starchy bookcase. Why was this so damn hard? Exasperated, he decided to summon up his only friend for another late night visit. He started his lispy spell in a half-assed fashion, knowing that all calls were routed directly to Will.

A puff of smoke that smelled distinctly of disinfectant and used toilet cakes filled the room, surrounding the rotund figure of his confidant.

"Hey, Will. How are you?", Tandon asked with a polite smile.

"ARRRRGGGGGLEHHHHHH!"

"Well, that's great to hear! You're welcome to stay the night!" he said happily, clapping him on the shoulder.

More often than not, Tandon summoned Will to keep him company physically. He wasn't great for conversation, obviously, being in a state of eternal turmoil. But he certainly made the room feel a lot less empty, and sometimes, that is all a socially awkward mage needed.

Will dropped to his knees and clawed at his face, mouth contorted in a silent scream. Huge wet tears rolling down his stubble laden, grey cheeks. He whimpered softly and closed his eyes, rocking gently as he slipped silently to the floor in the fetal position.

"Good night, Will. Don't let the existential crisis bite.", he whispered soothingly.

Tandon crawled atop his rigid potato bed and switched off the light, wondering if he will transform his professor into a rutabaga with bumbling efficiency in the morning. Which, in turn, led him to wonder if rutabagas can give a final grade as he dozed off.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH EEEEEEEEEEEEEE RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Tandon sat bolt upright in bed, sun blaring though the small room, to find Will crouched on the floor and shrieking at him. He looked around frantically, disoriented still from sleep. His eyes fell to the corner where chair-now-goat lay dead and bloated from chewing through the wire for his alarm.

"SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" he yelled as he scampered around Will and pulled his jacket out from under the goat, tossing it on and running out the door.

He sprinted across campus, and fell flat on his face more than once from his left foot levitating suddenly out from under him. He spent the rest of the distance scrambling on two hands and one foot, while the other floated four inches off the ground, defiant and useless.

Thankfully, he was able to use the walls of the building to get upright before he entered the small stand alone classroom. He entered, struggling to hide the fact that he was walking like a drunken woman who had a high heel blow out and not enough common sense to take off the other shoe. His professor met his eyes as soon as he attempted to sneak to his seat, and motioned him to the front of the class.

"How kind of you to volunteer to go first!" Professor Linksin crooned as Tandon hopped to the front of the room.

He heard the sounds of chairs scraping and shuffling, as his classmates moved to give a wide birth for his infamously erroneous casting. More than a few of them had suffered at his hands accidentally. The fact that he was even allowed to attempt magic in anything short of a steel bubble spoke volumes as to the University's liability insurance.

"Okay, Tandon.", Professor Linksin began, tossing a book in the floor, "Transmute that into a stone."

Tandon closed his eyes and began focusing on the book. He thought. He hoped. He prayed that for once he would hit his mark even though the odds were a million to one in favor of a fuck up. He furrowed his brow, feeling his foot coming down to the floor with a resounding flat thud. The room began to tilt, his mouth went dry... He smelled toast?

As satisfied as he was going to get that he performed some small miracle, he opened his eyes, blinking the blur of casting from his vision, and looked to his feet. Laying there, in all of it's glory before the world was the book. Untouched, unmoved. Not even a scuff on the spine. If anything it looked more pristine than it was before he started.

That was when a sloshing sound came from the corner of the room where the animals were kept for live transmutation study. The large tank containing a few deadly Phoenix eels was churning and bubbling. The monstrous creatures were throwing themselves against the glass, jaws snapping, in a frenzy to seemingly escape the water. Professor Linksin calmly walked to the tank, lifted the lid, and recoiled. Sputtering coughs escaped him as he doubled over from some kind of unexpected assault.

"Mother of Gaia, it's... it's vodka!"

He turned to his classmates, who for years had avoided ever meeting his gaze. He wrung his hands anxiously, knowing that he had just given them even more of a reason to hate him. He was an eel killer. An eel killer with a dead goat, and a long dead janitor hanging out in his dorm. He mustered enough courage to look up into their faces.

What greeted him was quite the opposite of the expected jeers and condescension. Some of the more attractive female mages smiled flirtatiously. His male peers were nudging each other and nodding in approval. The popular crowd was sizing him up and acknowledging his existence.

Tandon was about to embark on a harrowing adventure. He was about to become The Party Wizard.

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Inspired by this awesome Reddit writing prompt!

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