Republican Arrested Chasing Stripper With a Gun
Michigan State Representative Neil Friske, 62, was arrested at 2:45 AM chasing a stripper from his condominium while brandishing a handgun and threatening to kill her. Lansing Police say they responded to a report of “a possible sexual assault of a woman, as well as a report of possible shots fired.” After his release from jail, Rep. Friske, who has a record as a hardline Christian, Freedom Caucus, and 2nd Amendment conservative who has put faith and family at the heart of his campaign to be reelected, released a statement claiming there is “something mighty fishy” about all of this and implied he was “being framed.” Friske then placed the blame directly on the media, stating, "As Conservative Republicans, we are well aware of the biased media coverage of incidents involving us,” and "Despite their false narratives, I maintain my innocence.” Meanwhile, even though Rep. Friske was released from jail without charges, police are requesting he be charged with “Assault with intent to murder” and “Possession of a firearm in the commission of a crime.”
Now, before you laugh at poor Rep. Friske, just try and consider all the facts. First of all, we have an intoxicated Republican who summoned a stripper to his condo in the middle of the night, and when she apparently doesn’t agree to have sex with him, he then proceeds to chase her down the street wielding (and possibly firing) a loaded gun at her. Now, can you see his point? Why, if that isn’t the media's fault, then who the hell’s fault is it?
After all, as the Good Book says, “Let those of us who haven’t gotten totally hammered and chased a stripper down the road in the middle of the night with a loaded gun - cast the first stone.” I mean, it wasn’t like he was doing something “sinful." You know, like hosting a drag show or flying an LGBTQ flag. Besides, she was obviously “asking for it” when she refused to break a hundred-dollar bill for him.
The thing is, liberals just don’t seem to get that God wants conservatives to chase after strippers with their guns. What the hell do you think that 2nd Amendment is for, anyway? All I can say is at least the gun wasn't hurt! That said, I have to admit that one thing that kind of concerns me is how Friske never quite explained why he had a stripper in his condo in the first place. Oh, wait! I forgot! He’s a “Born-Again Christian,” so I’m sure he must have been just "ministering" to her.
Why, if you ask me, the real question the media should be asking is - “with an ‘excuse library’ like his, just why the hell isn’t Friske on Donald Trump’s vice presidential shortlist?” That said, is it just me, or does it kind of seem like every time a Republican gets busted for some crime, they always claim “they were framed!” Oh well! Apparently, that’s all that’s necessary to satisfy MAGAs. And while I realize how frustrating that may be for those of you with functioning frontal lobes, you still have to give Rep. Friske credit. Hell, at least he didn’t just gun her down - and blame Hunter Biden.