A Punny Post.

• I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
  

• I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  

• I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  

• I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Image - https://www.tumblr.com/search/funny%20headstone

• A book just fell on my head. I've only got myshelf to blame.

• I was addicted to the hokey pokey... but thankfully, I turned myself around.

• A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
  

• My friend commented that my clothes looked pretty gay. Well, said I, they did come out of the closet...
  

• Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
  

• I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na...
  

• My girlfriend bet me I’d never be able to build a car out of spaghetti. She sure looked surprised as I drove pasta.

• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

Image https://www.littlethings.com/human-camouflage/

• I opened the refrigerator door earlier and the mayonnaise yelled "Close the door, I'm dressing."

• When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

Image - https://imgflip.com/i/mq839

• Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.

• It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

• Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

Image - Original Harlem Shake Darth Vader Elevator Prank Youtube

• This morning some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that's a nice Jester.

• Camping is an extreme pastime. It's in tents.

• Seven days without a pun makes one weak.