The Day My Wi-Fi Became Self-Aware (and Judged My Browser History)

I woke up today to a terrifying realization: my Wi-Fi wasn’t just lagging—it was thinking. You know that feeling when your router blinks at you like it’s disappointed? Yeah, that. Every tab I opened felt like it was silently judging me. “Another ‘how to fix slow internet’ search?” it mocked, probably throttling my bandwidth out of spite.

Somewhere between the buffering wheel and existential dread, I realized we’ve built a world where even our toasters are smarter than our politicians. Every gadget wants to “connect,” yet no one actually listens. My fridge sends me reminders, my phone tracks my sleep, and my smartwatch congratulates me for not dying during a walk.

If the Wi-Fi does achieve sentience, I just hope it forgives me for all the times I reset it mid-update.