Awkwardness, Loneliness, Discomfort: Where is The Source of Social Anxiety? (A Mindfulness Exercise)

We all get that thing where we feel anxious. Heart racing, eye contact near-impossible, other humans suddenly seeming harsh and strange.

Every move seems awkward. Our existence in the moment becomes a burden.

Common Situations For Silly Anxieties

The simple example of this is when you walk down the street and one other person is walking towards you from the opposite direction. Where do you look? When do you make eye contact? Do you say hello, smile, or simply stare forward stone-faced as you walk past?

It also often happens in small group conversations, where you aren't able to fit into the flow of words. You keep getting cut off by other people, not on purpose. The momentum is working against you.

One last example is when you hang out with the same friend a lot, perhaps due to work or living arrangements, and eventually an awkward feeling grows and hangs within you. You don't have any ill-will towards the person, but an awkwardness is blooming.

Social anxiety is a common part of human existence.

A Mindfulness Exercise To Cure Social Anxiety

Lately I am applying mindfulness to social anxiety. When I feel weird pangs of awkwardness, or loneliness, or discomfort, I try not to react. Instead I ask myself: "What is wrong right now?"

I do not answer with words. Instead, I answer by paying very close attention to my feelings at that moment. Where is the anxiety? Where is the thing that is wrong - the danger, the fear, the discomfort?

The amazing truth is I have never yet found a thing that is wrong. Social anxiety comes with no physical pain, with no real logic or reason for anxiety. It is just a mis-firing of the human brain, one that can be immediately recognized by shining the light of attention upon it.

What is Wrong Right Now?

What is wrong right now? Where is this anxiety? Look for it, closely, but without too much effort. Try to relax and pay attention to your feelings, to locate the spot where anxiety is.

So far, every time I do this practice, I find myself feeling blissful and excited - it isn't there! Looking for the anxiety seems to untie the knot of anxiety. It just pulls apart into nothing, all in an instant.

And it is beautiful to behold.