Horny Goat

I recently went on holiday to my ancestral home. The village here is where my parents come from and over the years more and more occupants have left for the glitz of the developed cities and in my parents case more developed countries.

That said there is something quite tranquil about going back to a place where until only recently prior to the arrival of electricity, water was pulled from the well first thing in the morning to bathe.

ansestral home

local vegetation

Buffalo is taken down to the ‘Baniee’ – an area of natural depression which is blocked on one side to stop the rain water escaping, … the buffalo also wallow here in the heat and drink from this pool.

Most people who are there organise their day either very early in the morning or after dusk due to the midday sun and so there is actually more activity on an evening than during the day when most people will be indoors snoozing under a ceiling fan (now with the advent of electricity).

That is if you’re not a touristy visitor like me in which case I could be found walking around my ancestral home’s large courtyard bothering the animals which also due to the heat would have rather been left alone.

However this story is specifically about a goat, who I will from this point on call ‘Roger’ as you will begin to understand.

say hello Roger

My cousin who currently lives in the property and looks after the animals and is a kind of pseudo-farmer said he had something to show me and took me over to Roger … a Ram who is generally quite calm until it gets its backside slapped and then he does this cartoon like raising himself on his back two feet, launching himself forward – best to stay outside the circumference of the rope which he is tied to.

“Watch this, see what happens when I blow cigarette smoke in his face”

I watched as my cousin lit up a cigarette took a few puffs and then bringing his face close to Rogers blew smoke in his face.

“Look at his Shafter”

After a deep throated bleat from Roger, I did notice that he had indeed got a full on erection, which my cousin not being familiar with the correct term was calling a ‘Shafter’.

At this point I was beginning to question my sanity, had I booked and travelled 6000KM followed by a 2 hour rickety journey to a remote village to watch a goat get an erection in the baking 40C midday sun?

Roger's 'Shafter' disappearing quickly as he saw I was taking a picture

Now you have to understand that entertainment such as bowling alleys, nightclubs, and bars, snooker halls and sports centre and cinema complexes are somewhat servery lacking in sleepy kickback villages (someone should tell them), ..

Had there been any of these things I would have happily walked away and never thought about this again.

So the fact I had nothing to do, coupled with a natural curiosity and somewhat professional approach to solving problems (I work as an IT developer currently on a project with my colleague and friend @slobberchops).

I began to wonder what in that event was it that gave the goat a Bonner, … on the off chance that it was a random event it was proved to me again, … in short it looked like

If Goat + Cigarette passive smoke = Boner

The following day armed with my tools I went out to visit Roger the goat. Was it the sensation of just blowing on its nose/face that excited him? I suspected so and was about to prove it.

good morning Roger

Bringing my face close to the goats (no photo), if anyone has ever tried to do a selfie with an adult goat you’ll know what I mean.

To my disappointment and intrigue it yielded nothing, the goat was about as excited as the queen of England at a self-checkout counter.

*not interested *

Hmm …. Next in the process of elimination, let me try it with my vape pen, maybe it was just something to do with the smoke, …

I took a big drag on the vape pen and blew out enveloping it in my vape cloud, …Roger just walked away. I guess he thought he was going to get some food and stayed around the first time.

still not interested

OK, so now I really wanted to get to the bottom of this. Just to make sure Roger wasn’t missing his girlfriend yesterday, I lit a cigarette up and took a drag and blew out again.

i see some interest

Roger immediately stood to attention, BONER! Result! ……

Boner!

This was good and bad news. The problem now was that the variable that I needed to change was Roger, i.e. maybe Roger was some goat anomaly who had a passive smoke fetish and I didn’t have another Roger to prove or disprove this.

Is it possible that I have stumbled across something in cigarettes that could be used someday to create a cure for goat male impotence?

Now that I am back home I am unable to progress with my experiment and so this is my offer to all STEEMians, … are you in possession of a goat? … Do you live near or are aware of a goat in your neighbourhood ? …

I need to know if this is universally true for all goats around the world or just Roger. If you could conclude this test - blow cigarette smoke into the face of the goat and see if you get a result? It would really help and would confirm if we are onto something.

Any proceeds from taking the goat Viagra to market will be split and one day you could take pride in knowing that you have helped many ‘Rogers’ around the world get their self-esteem back.

Disclaimer: any liable or case brought against you by authorities with suggestions that you were fraternising in the vicinity of a 4 legged animal who was obviously excited – I will claim to have no knowledge of you.

Good luck from the Goblin.