20 things that (only) a person with social anxiety can fully understand
The people around you talk, laugh and have fun together. And you, in spite of your desire, feel that you cannot do the same: you suffer from social anxiety.
The first thing you need to know is that you are not alone: what you're trying is about one in 10 people. So here is a little exercise you can do right away: take a walk and count the first ten people you meet. Here, one of those people, probably suffers from social anxiety.
The other thing you need to know is that you're not crazy. Some of your thoughts are irrational, but many people on this earth have them. However, you have a specific experience that people who do not live your own situation can hardly understand... Here are 20 things that only people who suffer from social anxiety can fully understand...
Your idea of going out for dinner is to take a take-away.
When you have to go out and eat, you prefer to take the food home by far. You don't love taking a table in a room or restaurant and eating in front of others, surrounded by all those people and that noise. You often envy the pleasing interactions that others manage to have with each other and even with strangers, but you don't feel able to do the same.Your idea of "great evening" includes home + television (or a book, or internet)
You can better communicate with others on Facebook or intrenet, but you can't find words in person. It is much easier to express yourself when you don't have to do it face to face, and you don't understand why.You only have a couple of friends and are not looking for new relationships
I prefer a couple of old friends and you're okay not to see them too often, even if you like spending time with them. If they invite you somewhere where there are also new, inventive excuses to not participate. You prefer to go out only among yourself.
Participate in parties only if you are forced to do so
When you come to a party, you get the impression that everyone is watching and judging you. You can find different excuses for going early or, if you are unable to do so, look for a corner where you can stay alone. When someone new is introduced to you, you can't find words to support a conversation and limit yourself to answering with one word or a short sentence. If the other person takes leave to converse with someone else, you feel lifted but then extremely frustrated.Often spend your lunch break working
Not because it is cheaper or you have extra work to do, but because you need an excuse not to go to lunch with your colleagues. When you're invited to aperitifs or evenings with them, you'll find excuses for not participating. They will probably eventually stop inviting you. People often judge you as an "asocial" when you would like to have relationships, but you are too afraid and do not understand why.You are not able to contribute to conversations that occur around you
Be sure to include yourself in conversations even when you have something smart or important to add, so that someone can judge your contribution and criticise you.You often feel tired
Not because you are engaged in many challenging activities. Fatigue in this context is often the result of a large amount of time spent in a constant state of stress and concern.
When you experience uncomfortable social situations, your heartbeat accelerates, sweats and your breath becomes short.
These are the physical manifestations of your anxiety, which you feel you cannot control. You are sure that everyone around you will notice all these physical reactions, and this makes you want to escape even more from social situations.
When many people around you talk to each other, you're strangers
In a situation like this, you often enter an area of comfort where you feel at least temporarily safe. Close yourself, and people are often disoriented by your behaviour. Sometimes, they may think that you are rude or uninterested, when you actually have a strong desire to relate.You are very worried about your hair, clothes and appearance in general
You are sure that other people are judging you on these issues. You may realize that this idea is irrational, and that people are not constantly focused on you, but you can't avoid making these thoughts.Suffering from bruxism
Digs teeth or tightens the jaw. You know that this is unhealthy behaviour, but you often don't realize it, as if it were an unconscious behaviour (and in many cases it is!).Fatigue to take sleep or dreams with open eyes, imagining the worst possible scenarios
Your mind often and willingly anticipates the worst implications of social situations, even those that will probably never happen. You realize that yours is a "negative thought", but you don't have the tools to turn it off and think about the positive things in your life.You may have had panic attacks
In contact with some events, you may have experienced moments of great malaise, with pronounced physical symptoms and fear of dying or crazy. Following these episodes, you may have asked for medical help. (In fact you don't have a physical problem and these symptoms are the result of your anxiety. A "smart" doctor can advise you to contact a psychotherapist. Take it as an act of care, not as an affront).You can't think of anything to say about a romantic appointment
Your difficulty in speaking during appointments (when you do not avoid them altogether) may lead the other person to conclude that you are not interested. Yet you very much want to have a report. With time, you're beginning to think that you'll never have a sentimental relationship. These thoughts increase your anxiety, and perhaps make you feel depressed.
You are worried when the phone rings or you need to make a phone call
Talking on the phone is another activity that frightens you: themes that you can be judged for what you say and how you speak, worse still if you have to do it in front of someone else (e. g. in the office).Would you like others to understand your anxiety, but you have difficulty explaining it?
You don't want to reveal to anyone what you feel and how you feel, for fear of being judged and criticized. (In fact, most people manage to be understandable and empathic when you give them the chance to do so, but your fear seems to not allow them and you to do so.You can't explain why you want to stay alone, despite the fact that people are trying to relate with you.
Because of this attitude, people in the long run can stop asking you to go out, and this reinforces your belief that you find it hard to stay with others. When you go to a restaurant alone, read a book or computer work so that the people around you think you are busy and don't try to get involved in a conversation. Also tell the waitress about your order quickly and then pick up your book. Isolate yourself is your preferred option, because in this way you won't risk showing your social anxiety, and other people will simply think that you are a very busy person with work.From a relational point of view, invest especially in your family members, who are a "safer" environment.
Your family members know you: you have grown up with them, and in their company you can really talk and be yourself. However, if your sister invites her boyfriend home, you will opt to avoid it and spend time in the kitchen with your mother or other siblings.
Likewise, you're looking for travel and holidays primarily with family members or your few close friends. You feel very uncomfortable during holidays that include cruises, exclusions or other group activities that will get you in touch with others.
- Tend to have a pet, usually a dog or cat
Love spending time with pets: you can take care of your puppy, talk to him, pamper him and develop with him an emotional attachment that you struggle to have with other people.
- If you see someone you know from afar, try to get away without showing yourself because you don't know what to say.
If that person sees you and meets you, often try to minimize the conversation, say you have a commitment and you are happy.
To conclude....
If you have found yourself in all or some of these 20 points, the first step is to find the courage to ask for help, which will probably be difficult for you to be judged for your "weaknesses". However, the good news is that a psychological professional can really help you process and manage your discomfort more effectively.
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Illustrations by Shea Strauss.
Many people are shy and introverted, but only when the fear of interacting with others causes significant discomfort in the life of the individual, not allowing them to obtain gratifications in important areas of his life, can one speak of a "social anxiety disorder".
Social anxiety (also called social phobia) is a condition of psychological discomfort characterized by marked fear experienced in relational situations, as contact with others could lead to being misjudged or behaving in an embarrassing or humiliating way. In today's article, we see 20 experiences characteristic of people who suffer from this condition.
In the psychologist's study, it is possible to find a space in which these fears can be received, heard and processed, and the person can learn with the help of the professional to find or regain a state of well-being and greater satisfaction.
On the theme of social fears, you can consult my other contributions: HERE foods that could reduce them, HERE 3 lessons that everyone should learn from introverted people. Below is my videotutorial on the topic "Defeating fear and shyness: here is the vaccine that helps you".