🧘‍♀️ When the Void Dances Within My Body

📜 Introduction
It comes in a moment without warning It creeps in like a thin shadow between the ribs Then it grips the entire body and shakes it from within It has no sound, yet it dances It has no shape, yet it fills every gap It starts as a faltering beat Then becomes a silent storm that moves bones, flesh, and blood against one's will This is the Void when it decides to inhabit the body It is not an absence, but a heavy presence, a presence that dances
(By the soul and by Him who proportioned it, and inspired it [with discernment of] its wickedness and its righteousness, He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills [it] with corruption.) Surah Ash-Shams (The Sun), 7-10
✨ The Beginning: A Dance Starting from the Deepest Point in the Body
Not just in the heart, but in the entire body The dance begins lightly, a delayed pulse in the carotid artery Then a small tremor in the thigh muscle, with no fatigue to justify it Then it spreads like a cold wave under the skin No one sees it, but I feel it seizing me from within And moving me like a doll with disconnected joints This is the Void when it decides to inhabit the body It is not an absence, but a heavy presence, a presence that dances The body is a prison where both the inmate and the warden dance together
🏛️ Phenomenology: The Body as a World Turning into an Open Grave
In Maurice Merleau-Ponty's phenomenology of the body The body is not a thing I own, but it is myself I am my body, and my body is the world I perceive But what happens when this world itself becomes a void? The body turns into an open grave from the inside I breathe, but the air fills nothing I walk, but the steps lead me nowhere Every movement confirms that I exist And every movement simultaneously proves that this existence is empty The body dances, but no one is leading the dance Nietzsche once said: The idea is not in my head first, but in my fingers But what if the fingers danced on their own? Without an idea, without desire, without a goal Here begins the real terror The body continues to perform its role But the meaning has completely withdrawn from it
⛓️ The Body as an Inner Prison Where the Void Rotates
And if the body is the only place I cannot escape from Then the Void, when it dances inside it, becomes the most severe kind of prison Not because it confines us, but because it leaves us completely free in no-place We are free even to breathe And we are free even to walk But we breathe the void And we walk in the void And movement becomes evidence of absence, not presence
💔 The Pain of the Empty Body: Ache Without Cause
Physical emptiness is pain without a wound, ache without cause Medicine calls it psychosomatic pain But it is a cold name for a burning experience The person wakes up with a heaviness in their chest As if a stone is suspended between the lungs They try to breathe deeply But find that the air reaches the throat then retreats As if there is a glass door inside the rib cage The muscles hurt even though no effort was exerted The stomach cramps even though nothing harmful was eaten The body screams in a language that medicine does not understand The language of the Void that settled within it
🌑 The Night… When the Void Becomes More Fierce
And at night, the dance grows more violent The person lies on their bed And feels the mattress slowly swallowing them The limbs are heavy as if made of lead And the head is light as if a balloon with a cut string Distant sounds arrive muffled And the light, even if turned off, keeps scratching the eyelids The whole body becomes an ear listening to a terrifying silence An ear that hears nothing but its own pulse wildly beating inside an empty cage
🛡️ The Muscular Armor: The Void that Inhabits the Cracks
In Wilhelm Reich's body analysis This Void is not just psychological But a muscular armor Built by the person over years to protect themselves from pain Which then became the prison itself The body stiffens so as not to feel Then the Void begins to dance in the spaces left by this stiffness And the more the person tries to break free from this armor The more they feel the Void leaking into the new spaces Like water, it always finds the smallest crack to seep through The body becomes a map of cracks In every crack, the Void dances to a different rhythm A crack in the shoulder remembers the burden that wasn't carried A crack in the back remembers the bending that wasn't forgiven A crack in the neck remembers the words that weren't spoken
🌀 The Existential Dance: From the Body to Nothingness
Sartre says that man is condemned to be free But when the Void dances inside the body Freedom turns into a curse I am completely free, nothing binds me Nothing awaits me Nothing expects anything from me The body is the only material proof of my existence And it is the one screaming that it is empty At this moment, the body becomes a body for others only I see it in the mirror as a strange object Like a shell moved by something that does not belong to it Even touch loses its meaning I place my hand on my arm to assure myself that I am still here And I feel the body of another person The body betrays me Or perhaps I betrayed the body When I allowed the Void to inhabit it And in moments of climax, the whole body becomes a broken mirror Each shard reflecting a different void The void of childhood that wasn't compensated The void of love that wasn't declared The void of the future that wasn't built And the person stands before these mirrors Dancing with each shard separately Until they become a shard themselves in an unending dance
🔄 The Transformation: When the Void Becomes a Teacher, Not an Enemy
But the dance can transform In the deepest moments of the dance When the body seems about to collapse from its empty weight Something strange happens The body begins to realize that it is the Void itself And it is the dancer itself There is no dancer and no dance floor within it But one dance At that moment, something new can be born Not filling the void, for that is impossible But learning to live inside the dance itself As Merleau-Ponty wrote: The body is not merely something that is seen, but that which sees When the Void dances within my body I become the vision itself I see the world through this Void And the whole world becomes transparent, light, and possible again Because the Void is not an enemy But the only place where something new can be born Just as light is born only in absolute darkness And movement is born only in absolute stillness So, the Void dancing within the body May be the moment when time stops For another time to begin A time not measured by hours But by our ability to dance with the Void instead of running from it The dance does not stop But I stop resisting its rhythm I let the Void dance And I begin to dance with it Inside my body, by my body, as my body
🔚 Conclusion
This dance is not mine alone. It is the dance of every body that knew the Void and failed to acknowledge it. It is a dance that may begin against your will… But its ending always awaits your first step.