My Life as a Coward

I walked out on my family. I walked out on my friends. I never paid rent. I smoked a lot of pot and played a lot of video games. Watched tons of movies and TV shows. Listened to FM radio even talk radio! I wanted to go back to school.
I wanted to go to college. I wanted to write this quick post to let everyone know I take lots of risks. No one wants to work with me. I take too many risks. I don't bring in an income.

I can't lend a hand if no one is doing anything yet no one is doing anything. If I had 4 people to pay that would be great then I could get my work done at 5x the speed and I could also get investors and thus I could afford to pay at least 4 people not to mention rent and child support.

So? I want everyone share this page and I want to promise 50% going to rent, bills, etc. and the other half I should be saving for a rainy day or perhaps to make up for lost time with people I once knew.

I want to make promises. I haven't been making promises and I am getting worse at remembering to say please and thank you. Maybe I am chemically imbalanced... or? Maybe negative people impact my life far worse than they even know.

People keep telling me I can do whatever I want, well? I want to get this work done and I want it done so that I can pay rent among other things. Now, I'm doing it by myself always by myself because there's no one willing to take these risks with me so then I have to ask myself is it making me happy? Do I need to worry about these things right now? Absolutely.

I am still worried about things that troubled me when I first got started back in 2009 when I started connecting with people for fear of one day I might need help from a variety of corners. Here I am and those bridges are all under construction or perhaps the rivers dried up I don't know. I am typing a bunch and it's annoyingly loud how much I write and what few results I'm seeing.

So? What kind of help am I referring to? Financial? Emotional? Well?

I don't want your money I just need people to help me 15 minutes or so each day all you need is an Internet connection and a mostly new computer to handle the processing. Some equipment and some space where I can both think and work where dogs aren't barking and doors aren't slamming.

I'm willing to wash dishes, bus tables, wave a sign for a local business or drive a taxi. I'll even drive with sponsor stickers on my car. I can't get sponsors if people don't help me if I can't get investors then how do I get paid?

I'm willing to bake loaves and loaves of bread. I like zucchini bread. I can't very well do much from here and the house is a mess. How can I expect to entertain company if the house is dark, dirty and cold? If I can't pay rent how can I heat the place and if the space is cluttered and dusty how can I think let alone focus? Why is no one helping me? I take too many risks. No one likes a pot head.

Well, I am leaving. As much I hate that it's cold and wet I have to move it on down the road and join the circus. I would be willing to do just about anything as long I don't have to work near dust or in high pollen count areas. I don't like working around loud machines even if I have noise cancelling headphones or ear plugs that's a hard no.

I wish I kept my job making sandwiches at Subway. I wish I never got that girl pregnant. I wish we were divorced already and I wish I was paying my child support already. I get ads delivered across the web I can't tell you how many times over the years I see people saying to me "I see your ads everywhere" sometimes they even throw in "Sorry I didn't sign up I am already a member there" of course, in my defense I never took the admin's advice. I should have put my referral links where they told me to put them so that I could win points and cash prizes.

And referrals. Referrals pay month after month or they don't pay at all. It's always a hit and miss, but if I can repeatedly go at it and get things done those earnings should add up and I'm not greedy I simply want to make a modest living and after some calculation that, for me, would be no less than an income of $110/day every day except Sundays. I can pay my tithing, my rent, and invest in my business more or less. I just want to have my own place where I can do these things. If I'm the only person doing these things no one is helping me I am going to need that space. I'm going to need my own room. My own office. My own Internet connection. More equipment. Faster computers. Etc.

If I could I would take the floor plan of the house I was recently staying in and I would add 15' floor space to each room. but I can't talk about that right now I just don't have any money

and who do I go to the bank? Judging by what they taught me in school I could go in to the bank and convince them to loan me $2 million despite my bad credit, despite being behind on child support and despite not working I wouldn't be surprised if they would approve that loan so why I don't I do that? Because I need help. Legal expertise. Speaking of legal expertise how about all of the lawsuits and settlements I decided to look the other way when I was being mistreated, abused or neglected.

People always trying to take my side, but then there's no money in it for them so they just don't stick around. I'm not above all of this I realize I know these things are just not for me. I been broke my whole life what's another 32 years?

When can I get the Internet business going so that I can integrate my life fully via blog, photoblog, Twitter, products, reviews, etc. How do I generate traffic without an autoresponder? All of these years people aren't subscribing to my list because I can't take the time to figure out how to use an autoresponder? All right, so my online business will end up costing me at least $1.25 every day maybe even less, but until I have an income I am looking for alternative sources of income where it costs me nothing so I am surfing traffic exchanges.

Check this out:
http://www.cashinonbanners.com/t/x

I guess I am just nervous, anxious, scared and lonely. I'm sure this will all work itself I know I'm not supposed to be a coward and judging by how often I get things done I think there should be a team effort to give credit where credit is due because obviously I could improve on that a bit or maybe I need help.

You would be surprised the things I did in the most unassuming of places. But it's all in vain if I can't get a few things straightened out because I like smoking weed and playing video games I don't feel it should interfere with my prosperity.