It seems that it is pointless for me in trying to continue my life because I am not really finding happiness here at all
Put me into a situation where I will be "comfortable" in a sense that I will have all that I needed like a house (which in fact I have now), or maybe a large plot of land where fruit trees and beautiful flowers are planted, a fleet of cars, maybe a Yacht, good delicious food and healthy meals too but I am still, I will not enjoy them because of what happened to my body.
A good, strong, and healthy body is a bliss which most people are not appreciating until they do not have it anymore. I was not able to have a such clean bill of health ever since that I was born, I've been visiting the hospital in Manila to see my Neurologist because I was diagnosed with mild epilepsy when I was just a year-old boy because my mother brought me there to check my health for the reason that there was this instance which I can't sleep.
My mother told me that she was already tiring-out to put me to sleep in her arms until one of our neighbor noticed my incessant crying on that fateful day and told my mother to go to the hospital so I can be checked by doctors. My mother agreed and so after I got examined, it turned-out to be that I was suffering from anemia so I got transfused with a bag of blood which could be the factor of me acquiring hepatitis B infection which got discovered many years after I was seen by a Nephrologist when we went to the hospital again to have my Kidneys checked. Then a few months later I had my Kidneys biopsy and the result was that the type of my Kidney disease is the one that could recur even after I got a transplant. So my brother lost interest in pursuing my Kidney transplant. Bad news after bad news, it is all hard to accept.
Anyway, my mild epilepsy condition did not go away and I was thinking that all that trouble and time of going to the doctor was just wasted because I still have my epilepsy. But the seizures are mostly detected by EEG which is why it was called a mild epilepsy. The only symptom that I would manifest is when I am in pain like if you punch my stomach or hot my lower leg with a blunt object, the pain will make me pass-out but I will not be spastic.
My my epilepsy condition turned out not to be so bad after all and will be the least if my worries for the next decades of my troubled life because there was this illness that was already brewing ever since I was born which is why I manifested the anemia when I was still young because my own immune system was already weakening my Kidneys.
That is why I already felt that I was weak when I was just a kid until the symptoms of impending Kidneys went from bad to worse like having headaches, being weak, being anxious, panic attacks, chronic fatigue, and maybe high blood pressure. Then I had pain in my loins, Nephritic syndrome tea-colored urine indicating blood in urine, recurring fever and chills, Nephrotic syndrome (foamy urine and edema). Later insomnia and anemia, worse muscle cramps, followed by Kidney failure in the end.
Being a dialysis patient had its sets of punishment on me because I suffered from not getting enough treatments and care plus I am always in a state of being sick that went on for more than two decades now. Now I am suffering from immobility, pain, and uncertainty of what will come next. I never achieved something substantial in my life, no happiness, no more things to look forward to because years had passed by just like that, waiting for good things to happen which never did happened.
So it is just justified to think in not wanting to live longer because it is pointless already, now that I turned into an ugly vegetable and just causing my parents a lot of trouble because the have to still look-out for me considering that they are already old and should just be relaxing but have to deal with my burden.
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Life can be so frustrating😢😢 , I feel so bad right now. I'm sorry you have to go through all this I wish there was something I could do to help you out from this situation. Don't feel you are causing your parent a lot of trouble because you are not. They are family and that's what family do when other members of the family are not strong enough to take care of themselves. Just keep appreciating their love.
I am very fortunate that I have a very loving mother and father and siblings and God in my life plus supportive brethren from MCGI.org. They are very precious to my life and I can't trade them for anything, not even this whole universe.
So I am always praying that God will heal my family and friend's afflictions, give them strength, long life, clear minds, protect them from untoward incidents and accident and shield them from bad people because they are my blessing from God himself, hands of God for my wretched soul.
Thank you for your love and concern. 🤟
Amen to your prayers and welcome 🤗
@blessedlife 💓
Thank you @blessedlife for your support
You are welcome. Commenting on others is a very good practice, keep going showing emphaty and giving meaningful feedback.
Thank you for your encouragement ma'am
I'm so sad about you, your life is very hard, and in these cases we would like to pass away, but I guess every life is a blessed, and I hope you finally could get a better health, maybe a miracle is coming for you. My best wishes for you.
My mother prepares my food and all while my father was the one driving me to and from the dialysis clinic and the are not getting any younger which is why if one of them will pass away before my time, I will be in an additional very difficult situation again.
That is why I was thinking about dying although I am not afraid to die but the process of it is what I am afraid to experience. So I am in this situation where I want to still survive but I don't want to die because I am a kind of person that when I see hope, I will grab it.
However, I am just clinging to a blind hope that everything will be fine because in reality my situation is hopeless and that I am just surviving because of the mercy and grace of God into my soul.
Entiendo, en verdad hay situaciones muy duras, a veces tanto que pensamos que no podremos soportarlas. Pero así también hay muchas personas buenas en el mundo, y siempre hay esperanza.
Tal vez en tu país haya una organización que te pueda ayudar, o tal vez en otros países. La única verdad es que nadie sabe el tiempo que tendrá en la tierra, mi hermano murió muy joven en su mejor época y plenitud física, por eso soy consciente de que nada es seguro.
Por otro lado, considero también que las personas son las únicas que deben decidir sobre sus vidas y también deberían poder hacerlo sobre sus muertes, y hay que respetar su decisión.
Aún así, siempre preferiría que vivan lo más que puedan, y espero de corazón que puedas encontrar la felicidad y la resignación que haga tu vida mejor.
Upvoted! Thank you for supporting witness @jswit.
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