Beware the “Contingent” Life!

Most of us set goals.

We have dreams and aspirations; objectives we want to to reach.

Some of them are short term, some of them are long term; some of them may be our life's work.

One of the interesting side effects of having these goals and objectives is that virtually everything we undertake has an implied "and then...?" attached to the goal.

• I'm going to lose these 40 lbs and then…
• I'm going to save $100,000 for the down payment on a house and then…
• I'm going to get one more professional degree and then…

None of these ever stand alone as something we have finished, and the greater problem is that we're never satisfied with anything.

It also works in reverse in the sense that a lot of times we make our happiness — or our life satisfaction, or our sense of success — be contingent on having done a whole lot of different things ahead of time.

The unspoken implication here is that our lives are somehow incomplete — or it's not possible to be happy — unless this whole series of events take place.

I remember listening to this a lot back when I had my business consulting practice and I was always talking to these men and women who were trying to set up independent businesses and their ability to do so was always contingent on a whole lot of conditions being met first. And it was a very unpopular point of view when I would tell them that as long as they put conditions ahead of being able to follow their dreams, they were unlikely to ever actually follow their dreams.

Now, I'm not suggesting that it's an ideal life strategy to just jump head first into everything without any kind of plan or second thought; that's not what I'm implying here.

However if we make the "conditions" for having or doing something contingent on a whole lot of different things being in perfect place beforehand, then we're likely cheating ourselves out of a lot of positive things that could be enjoyed in the present moment, while we are working towards the real dream.

That's something you often hear with people who are — at least if we were to trust their spoken words — claiming to be "looking for a lifelong relationship." They tell us that that's what they really want, and they really want to fall in love, but they can't actually start doing that until they have a more secure job, until they buy a house, until they have more money in the bank, until they've lost 40 lbs and so on and so forth.

It is at this juncture we're invited to consider the possibility that the conditions we're putting out there are not really conditions intended to create a genuinely better outcome, but excuses for not getting started on something that may not have the outcome we were hoping for, and might even result in rejection.

It is in a sense the classic half-joked truism that "I can't get my work done until I've cleaned my desk" arises and distracts people from focusing on what really matters.

In fact we are perfectly capable of doing our job with a messy desk; the desk is merely a procrastinatory tool that allows us to not get started on the main event.

Thanks for stopping by and have a great Friday!

How about YOU? Are you living an authentic life? Do you put "conditions" on happiness? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2026.09.04 02:27 PDT
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