My book writing struggle

This is not my usual kind of post. Vulnerability is not my strongest forte, but I’d post it anyways ‘cause I need to show the unglamorous side too.

I act like I’m okay but tears dey comot my eyes whenever I remember say na phone I dey use write my book.

This is not any kind of phone situation. We are talking cracked screens. We are talking a phone that got fried, not once, not twice, but enough times to make a normal person either go "goo goo ga ga" or put the whole thing down and walk away. We are talking repairs upon repairs that cost money I didn’t always have, for a phone I needed to keep writing a book nobody had asked me to write.

We are talking about writing through pounding headaches. We are talking about writing through sickness when I should have been resting. We are talking about borrowing my brother’s laptop. Borrowing my cousin’s laptop. Borrowing a friend’s laptop that crashed because of me. Then returning to my phone when those options weren’t available.

Nobody tells you what it actually costs to write a book. Not in money, though it costs that too. But in the quiet, unglamorous, unsexy ways. The late nights when everyone else was asleep. The self-doubt that creeped into my head. The moments I looked at everything I had written and wondered if any of it was worth it. The moments I almost stopped, but I didn’t. The nights I called my friend and cried that I am tired and I don’t know who sent me work. The days I crashed out and nearly gave up on the book 'cause at some point, I felt myself going mental with a sprinkle of skoin skoin here and there.

Someone asked me once what it took to write this book. I didn’t know how to answer then. I think I know now.

It took refusing to wait for perfect conditions. It took writing anyway; on cracked screens, on borrowed devices, on nights when my body was tired and my head was full, but I pushed on anyway.

I don’t still have a laptop, but hey, I pushed through and got to the beta-reading phase. The feedback I got from my beta-readers evoked more emotions in me that prompted me writing this, and I’m grateful once more for not giving up.

So yeah, I am proud of me, and I can’t wait to show y’all my brain child.