The uncensored TRUTH behind RelationshipGoals posts ... (3...2...1...blurgh🤢)
So lets begin my blog which is dedicated to complaining with today's first ever Char-bizz complaining spree. The topic of complaint today- Relationship goals' - (ugh 😩)
Wherever you seem to look on social media these days it seems as though everyone wants to portray a perfect picture of their life and relationships. You only have to log onto Facebook or Instagram for less than 5 seconds and you can bet that your homepage will instantly be flooded with a flock of sickeningly over-dramatic relationship posts. (Shudders). A quick Google search returns hundreds of pictures of this much dreaded phenomenon. So now let me proceed to pick out a few of the silliest examples and do what I do best, complain and take things very literally.
1
source: (https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/461689399270332073/)
What they think we see:
Awww how adorable, he even loves her when she’s mad. I wish that I had a guy who did cute things like this and loved me this much, she’s so lucky.
What we really see (The reality of the situation):
Uh-oh boy. You just made a wrong move there. She’s already angry and now you want be all mushy and romantic (and weird as hell) and go turn up the AC just so you can ‘cuddle’. If you want to cuddle her then just cuddle her you freak, also don’t you guys have those things called blankets?... I’m sure that any cold and angry girl would much rather snuggle up into a blanket rather than her boyfriend (who again, is weird as hell). Something tells me that this will only make her much angrier. You’re gonna learn today boy… now she’s cranky and cold.
2
Source: (
https://twitter.com/goaisforcouples)
What they think we see:
Aww, so romantic. They are so in love and playful and sweet. We are so jealous.
What we really see (the reality of the situation)
Eugh. Did they really just pose with stupid faces like that and hold it long enough to take a pic. Why are they both agreeing on this and thinking that it’s a good idea? Also who’s taking the pic, is there a creepy third person lurking in there or did they go through all of the trouble to set a camera onto timer to do this crap? Either way its cringe as hell and you can count me out.
3
Source: (https://www.pinterest.co.uk/caparan/relationship-goals/)
What they think we see:
Omg, adorable! How nice would it be to wake up like this next to the person that you love every morning.
What we really see (The reality of the situation)
EUGH. No thanks, keep that nasty breath away from me first thing in the morning. Also he’s clearly trying to sleep and not interested girl, leave him alone.
4
Source (https://me.me/t/relationship-goals?since=%2C30674%2C1.000000?since=%2C30674%2C1.000000)
What they think we see:
OMG that is the best gift ever, I’m so jealous! Those shoes are so nice, and probably so expensive too, they must be one rich couple. His girlfriend is so funny and badass too, he’s one lucky guy. They’re living the dream.
What we really see (the reality of the situation):
Ewww girl did you really just waste money on shoes like THAT?! If you wanted to give your boyfriend some grandpa slippers for a gift you could have just got some from the discount store down the road. Oh and don’t worry honey, something tells me that you will definitely be the only ‘bitch’ that he will ‘fuck’ in THOSE things (as you so nicely put it) – because every other human being with fully-functioning eyes will probably run a mile if they saw someone coming towards them in those shoes. What’s up with the socks too? Also is he allowed to ‘fuck’ other bitches whilst he’s wearing different shoes then but these ones are only reserved for you? How is he even going to do that with you whilst he’s wearing those things and they’re flapping about everywhere whilst you’re getting it on? Why did Gucci even allow this terrible message to be associated with their (equally terrible) shoes? I have so many questions…
5
Source: (https://me.me/t/relationship-goal?since=1481396449%2C5363526?since=1481396449%2C5363526)
What they think we see
'They are so close with each other, look at them being all cute and passionate, aww'
What we really see
Aww well isn't that just like Romeo & Juliet. Aww how cute is this picture? I totally agree. I can just imagine the scene in my head right now:
'Babe shove your hand down my boobs whilst I place my hand limply inside your trousers and let me get a pic. People are going to think this is so raunchy and romantic. We are one filthy, fun couple'
Also is it just me or has anyone else noticed the fact that from what can be seen of the guy he looks completely unimpressed and un-enthusiastic.
'Ah babe not again, why do I have to stretch my arm over to put it down your top just to prove to people that we occasionally touch each other? Also my seat belt is on and this whole hand down my pants thing is really tight and uncomfortable right now, can we just go get doughnuts like you promised me? I'm starting to think that this whole trip was a lie now, just like the time that you told me that we were only going for a walk and you ended up taking me home and locking me in your closet. I haven't managed to escape from you in over 2 years. Please stop using me for likes from your 200 Instagram followers you crazy b*tch and let me go'
Now THIS is my kind of relationship goals...
Source (https://esmemes.com/i/ultimate-relationship-goals-i-love-you-did-you-ring-a-5335467)
😃😃😃😃😃
Thanks for viewing my first post. It was just a short post to get the Steemit complaining spree officially started. Follow me for more petty complaining about anything and everything on the internet or day to day life in general. Until next time, peace guys✌🏼