Here is a thing !
Aren't we all tired of listening to Ted talks and success stories that are making it way too hard for us to feel good about ourselves.
Here's the deal ; everybody is different. We all had different experiences. We have all lived different lives and went through different things. And we're just not the same. So here is what I want to say : don't think that because something you heard from someone else and applied on yourself didn't pay off,means that you are hopeless. It actually means that you should find your own way. Take things slow, unplug from your daily routine. I am not saying quit your job or go travel the world. I am just sayig take a different way to your job, wear red for a change, say "good morning" to everyone walking passed you, if you think of something nice to say to a friend then say it outloud, it'll be nice, if you need to be honest, be, take a friend and go out when it is dark at night and the roads are empty, just make sure to be safe, go to your favorite place on a sunday, sundays are quiet and peaceful, unplug from social media. Leave your smartphone in the house, take a little phone, you know - the one with a keyboard. Find your own way towards change, to become your better self, the person you have always dreamt of being.
Take me, I have never done something I didn't love or wasn't convinced of. But when I was a little kid, I imagined myself sitting behind a desk, writing novels and telling stories about this life, putting wisdom and hope in life's different ups and downs into plain words and making sound like magic spells. When I grew up - you know how that works - I was blurred by the technology the world was embracing. So in front of the seduction of being in handle of such a huge part of our modern world, let's say I was too greedy to let go of either of the two things that captured my heart the most : writing and technology.
I couldn't ignore my love for intellegence and my passion to being in control of the worlds' new language, and my passion for words and tellings. At a point in my life I had to decide, I seemed to decide that I prefered technology, but it was just another way I could get the best of both worlds. Yes. I am currently studying mecatronics engineering, and it seems that I gave up my dream of becoming a writer. But the thing is, no matter how hard I try to forget, how much I want to let go, the little girl in me still wants to be a writer. Everyday I ask myself if I made the right choices. I don't regret this. But I hate that I am not trying harder. And instead of letting go I should be trying to write more, read more.
Going back to where I started, this is my story and I am convinced that no one can figure it out like I would.
Don't give up on your story, try harder and make things work out the way you need them to, because you might not realise it yet, but even if you let go, the little kid in you never will.
Most of the time, after watching a certain video on youtube, I get this urge of having to choose. But the thing is : I DON'T WANT TO. I really do love both, and I realise that it will make harder for me to concentrate, and that the key to success is to have goals and draw a plan to get to them and be specific about timing and dates. But I am not going to choose. One day I will be a writer Insha'Allah, a good writer / great engineer. Why ? Because I am good at both and no power can force me to only one. Maybe I will be a writer helping my husband from time to time on his projects, or maybe an engineer with a modestly successful blog. Who knows right ?
In this life, nothing is impossible. With Allah's will and guidance, I pray that one day I'll get to be both. Ya rab.