I hear you. Most part of 2017 was pretty dull and dark for me, but it became better towards the end of 2017 and 2018 started with a bang too. However, I'm having problems to truly enjoy how awesome it feels, because I know things can turn around in an instant.

It's a pretty steep learning curve but that's also why I want to help others. So they have someone to rely in their battles. - I hope you'll get some sleep and that you can keep having the attacks under control.