On Loving Everything

The following is a creative writing piece I wrote in college a couple years ago (2016). Some of my ideas and perspectives have changed, but a majority has not. If you want to begin a discussion on any of the following, I welcome and encourage it. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the thoughts and efforts of a 19-year-old me.

I'm just going to talk about what I love. Now, it might sound like I'm all over the place with what I'm talking about, and that's because I am: because I love everything. So, let's start with that. What's "that"? That is a word!

...

Bad jokes aside: words, language, and to a greater extent, communication - one of the few characteristics that distinguishes an intelligent being within the animal kingdom - is responsible for all the delusions I imagine about this experience. Delusions? Yes, delusions: because it's ridiculous to believe that these symbols and noises accurately manifest the intangible history and experience of our thoughts, feelings, and observations. As I'm sure we all know, words can mean different things to different people; which is why I want to explain what I mean when I say "I love everything"; but before that, I want to share a couple of my favorite lines from the "Tao Te Ching" by Lao Tzu:

"The Tao (way) that be expressed is not the eternal Tao (way);
The name that can be named is not the eternal name."

Basically, whatever it is you're trying to talk about, if you can talk about it, that ain't it.

So, what do I mean when I say, "I love everything"? Starting with love: to me, love means complete and total, unconditional acceptance. I feel like most people think about love with regards to romantic relationships, wherein it's interpreted as a deep, impassioned gratitude and admiration for everything the other is - flaws and all - or something like that. And that's fine, but this definition, in my opinion, can cause us to deny, reject, or just feel bad about, our own feelings when they don't fall in line with our preconceived perception of love. Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't ever feel bad or have feelings we don't like, far from it, but the desire to remove those feelings so we can return to "a better time" is not love. Like I said, 'complete and total, unconditional acceptance' - for all parties involved. This doesn't mean you have to like it, though! You don't have to like something in order to love it, and it's foolish to believe you will like a certain thing all the time. You just need to accept it. Jesus said, "love your enemies", but I don't believe he meant we need to admire and respect them, and treat with care; such as to win them over and have them on our side. It makes more sense that he means to love them as enemies and understand they exist so you can be the good guy.

The goal of love isn't to try and rid the world of enemies and opposing forces, it's to unite them in understanding they are complements - they exist to bring awareness and balance to this spontaneous realm of chaos. Life isn't an eternal battle between 'good' and 'evil'; a battle implies there will be an end, and a victor. No; life is more like a dance between them: we go back and forth; I step, you step, all around the room - 'Where are we going?' Who cares! That's not the point. We'll be dancing till the vibrations in the air creating music to our ears ceases to exist. 'When does it stop?' Do you really want it to?

Now, let's talk about everything. I don't normally use absolutes, since they are never true, but in this case, it is. I really do love everything. I'm not going to list all the beautiful things in life that we all know and love, or the mundane details of stuff we overlook everyday; that's easy. So here are some of the things I love that people couldn't imagine loving, and will probably dislike, or distrust, me for admitting, but here we go [deep sigh]: I love crime; I love injustice; I love bad things happening to good people and good things happening to bad people. I love war; I love conflict; I love lies and the reality they advertise. I love pain; I love suffering; I love it all.

I know. I probably sound like some terrible sadistic monster that should be wiped off the face of the Earth, like the devil incarnate. But I assure you, I'm one of the nicest people you will meet.

I hope the words I arranged above to explain love helps you understand why I'm willing to admit that I love these things. Remember, you don't have to like things to love them - it's not like I want these things to happen, it saddens me that they do. However, if I refuse to love these things, that means I refuse to accept them: refuse to accept that they occur, refuse to accept there is some some reasoning for it occurring (even if the reason is no reason at all), and refuse to accept that it can happen again. I love these things because they are not happening to me (yet), and they remind me of the absolute privileged position I am in.

Once we recognize how necessary it is for these atrocities and grotesque/infuriating events to occur, we can acquire the virtue of humor. It is, after all, pretty hilarious that in order to truly enjoy and understand ourselves in this universe, we must depend on the things that we don't like, or want to identify as. I'm always humored at the idea of wanting to change the world for the better: such as wanting to end hunger and create peace for all - now, why would anyone want to do that? Isn't the most satisfying and delicious meal the one you have when you are the most hungry? Or, aren't the kindest and most benevolent acts recognized and appreciated in the midst of turmoil? The world is perfectly fine the way it is. Do you honestly believe nature makes mistakes?

-- Erick Landeros