You Will Live in Misery if You Love Too Little

You know what I'm talking about. You probably met some toxic people who would suck the energy out of you and fill your life with negativity. It's not that you don't want to empathize with them and try to help them out, but in the end, you become the people you associate yourself with. If you are not self-aware, you'd be miserable and hurt too because the bad energy sucked you in totally. Then because of them, you become too cautious now, which can also be bad.

When I was in my 20s, I had a very depressed ex-boyfriend who showed me that he wanted to kill himself - but not really. His parents asked me to stay with him so that he would not do such a thing anymore, and those were really crazy days for me. I left because I didn't want to be manipulated and also, I learned to love myself. I can say he was not really suicidal otherwise he would have shot himself in the head. He has loving parents and a good job, he just didn't want to be left alone. Fine, I get you, in other parts of the world people have high suicide rates because depression is such a thing. People deeply empathize with suicidal people with mental illnesses. That you should call a hotline so somebody can help you or you can pay for an expensive shrink. Some people cannot afford that, some people are pretty depressed because they have nothing to eat. I don't really mock these mental illnesses but these people need to know that there are people who want to live but they are dying due to hunger or war in their countries.

That's another case, I tried to help him out and listen to his woes but then later on, I too become depressed. I too sucked the energy out of people. I had many reasons to be depressed before, because of life situations and not because Mommy and Daddy were not loving me. Life is hard and people can be a pain, but if you look around, there are many things to be grateful about. There are really good people everywhere in this world but you just conveniently hide inside your tiny bubble afraid of getting hurt.

When you grow up and have a parent who just used you for her own benefit, and nobody wanted to help you (to protect their own self-interests), then when you become an adult, you will see the world as a threat. When people are with you, it's like they are walking on eggshells. You will always be on the defensive, you see people will only use you and nothing more. It's really bad and it's hard to overcome this issue in one's life. When I traveled, I met really good people in my life and I was not scared to love again even if it means I would get hurt. I convinced myself that I don't trust everyone. But then, if you build walls around you, you might as well just stay behind those walls and live in misery. For me, it's better to feel something than to feel nothing. I don't think there's such a thing as love too little - you just love or not. However, don't forget to love yourself too.

People can choose to be miserable all their lives or they can choose to live in a friendly world, they are not totally hopeless. It would just be hard for them to have stable relationships because they see everyone as danger - people will only use or hurt them. It's not that I don't want to help and be a friend to these people but it's only them who can help themselves. I know because I helped myself. I don't have a loving parent. I couldn't afford a shrink and I couldn't afford to go out and see my few friends, so it was more of a harsh life issue. I just sat with my sadness and thought of ways to get out of my real life problems instead. I sat with my loneliness for a long time until it solidified me. What mattered to me first was that I could eat daily so I could think clearly. For me, depression or sadness were petty problems. I sometimes think if I turned out as a monster for keeping it all for myself... but then everyone has just different realities.

I can be cynical as hell but then I still try to see the good in everything, no matter how bad people are or the world is. People who are always negative probably have no goals, passion or any other hobbies, and they attract negative people too. They need to resolve their issues about themselves first because the world is not going to adjust according to their taste. It is hard for me to meet new people in my life because my past makes me not want to trust the future. But then, in the end, it's me who will only suffer. I realized not everyone's a threat and it's just me projecting my own insecurities. In reality, most people meant no harm, they just really have no clue about someone or that they are also projecting their own insecurities. Remember, it is always about you and me.

I could go on and just focus on becoming an individual achiever and be paranoid about other people because of my past. However, whatever you say, material things simply won't make anyone happy. This is why many rich and successful people like investors or individual achievers will not really feel a deep satisfaction even if they already have fine food to eat, even if they have already achieved everything. They would always be on guard the whole time, thinking people will rob them of their wealth or that people will use them. It's like this man in a jar, he tries to achieve something one by one until he reaches the top. He sees the beautiful world outside, but in the end, he will suffocate because he is still in a jar. He needs oxygen to survive and that oxygen is - affection.