I Can't Get No...

Hedonism is a school of thought that argues that the pursuit of pleasure and intrinsic goods are the primary or most important goals of human life.

Or at least, that's what Wikipedia says. The word 'hedonist' has always been at the back of my mind, along with some other sillier ones. Well, maybe not always but for quite a few years. I remember an argument with someone whether people should live for pleasure or for duty and other such things. And what I could never understand is why would one assume that living for pleasure is necessarily a bad thing?
After all, lack of pleasure in one's life has all sorts of bad effects on the other areas in his existence, so I've always argued that it is crucial that one finds pleasure and feels satisfied with his life before he can become a useful, good member of society. I mean, quite hard to imagine that I could truly make you happy if I myself am not.

Anyway, I've always lived my life seeking to do only what I wanted to do. Not at the expense of others, of course, but I am a big believer in the 'it's my life' thing. I have a very hard time doing what is expected of me or what others would have me do.
See, a lot of people do what others expect them to do, because it avoids conflict. Rather than telling you I'd rather not do X thing with you, I'd better just bear through it, thus avoiding a rift between us. It makes sense in a way, I suppose, because life is compromise. A lot of it, you know? And I'm not saying that's bad. Often enough, compromise is a good thing, it helps us live together and all that.
But compromise too has a cost. As a one-off it can appear harmless, but I'm nagged by the question – how much compromise can you fit into one life? Maybe I go with you to the theater, though I don't really want to. That's two hours, not that bad, I can deal with two hours. But if we go each week, that makes eight. And what if we go twice a week? Sixteen. Not so harmless.
This is of course just an example. Most people don't spend so much time at the theater. But you get the idea. One compromise might be okay, especially such a small one.
But often, we compromise on much larger things. I'd much rather go on holiday to the beach, but you want to go to the mountains and if I don't go with you, then I'll have no one to go with and I'll be all alone. That's a week of your life you've compromised away.
Your mum and dad want you to go to Law School and you don't really want to, but it's fine, you'll go 'cause it's just 3 years and then you'll do something else. Or not, maybe you'll become a lawyer to satisfy your parents. That's a huge chunk of your life willingly signed away, all because you were too afraid of standing up to them and wanted to avoid conflict.

My question is, at what point does it become too much?

_source

Exactly. You don't, not really. You have a bit of time and while right now, it might seem like you can afford that couple of hours to go to the theater, the truth might be you don't. In an average life span of 80 years (though the truth might be a lot shorter than that), you only get 700800 hours. From the minute you're born. I'm almost 20, that means I only have some 500 thousand hours left. Not that many, is it?
I said I'd go with you camping one day, although I hate tents. It's only a day. But given that I only have some 22 thousand left, is it that insignificant? It's not like I have endless time. None of us do.
And then, shouldn't we seek to live life the way we want to, rather than the way someone else imposes or expects us to? Most people let themselves get roped into things, they're afraid to say no because they seem to view it as a bad word.
It's not.

'No' is a necessary word in your life, as much as 'yes'. You should be able to take advantage of the opportunities that excite you and to have interesting experiences. But you should also be able to say no, when you need to. You should know to refuse doing the things you don't want to do, because sooner or later, they will drain you away.

I'm conflicted – should I live the way I feel, doing what's appealing to me and what seems best for me? Or should I compromise and seek to avoid conflict?

Posed as such, the question honestly seems like a no-brainer, and yet, most people choose the latter. The world is full of people making sacrifices and living unhappy lives simply because the pursuit of happiness seems too much of a bother. We say 'It's what people do', as if that's supposed to make it okay. People do a lot of shitty things that aren't really okay at all, so why should this be?
If my happiness does not hurt you in any way, except perhaps your expectation of me (which isn't really harm), then why shouldn't I be happy?

I keep thinking that if I go on living this way, it might cost me some relationships, it might affect the way others (perhaps close to me) see me. But then, I always counter, it would save me a lot of wasted hours.

And the truly sad thing is that people leave you anyway. Not all, but most. In the end, they don't look at the sacrifices you made for them, they don't look at anything really that you thought was important between you. They just leave. Why? Because they think that's what's best for them, so they do it.

Don't go around hurting people, but don't go around giving up bits of yourself for any random Joe, either. Sure, they might not like you. They might even leave. And maybe that's not the worst thing that can happen.
Because think about it, if they leave, you're only left with yourself. And that self might be someone who's battered and bruised and basically unhappy or someone you're content with being. The choice is yours and it's very important.

Thank you for reading,