Wow. I was really slipping in and out of reality, the game and my own projected fears. I FELT that caged in sense of panic - if his brain running hard about waling his mom whilst LIVING that terror, in the moment.
Your ending? LOL. A total surprise. Touche. The light nervous laughter at the end? I wasn't sure if it was me or him. :)
You should write suspense fiction and psycho thrillers more. :)
This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)
This is the first time I read a writing contest here on Steemit, and I had fun reading it. I like the way how you describe even the minute detail of "rough patchwork of wallpaper." Your image in writing is so vivid, I can touch what Jon touched and I can feel my heart racing as his! Hahaha! 😁
I love your story. Very artistically done. Hope you win in the contest.
Oh no! I am not a writer, and I'm just learning English. Its not my first language. So my English is limited. If I write, I will surely ran out of words. Hahaha! 😂
Yes, I definitely enjoyed your piece. I am hopeful that you nail this contest out! 😊😊
If you want to do a teamwork entry, let me know. You'll type 300 or so words in your language and then we'll use google translator. I'll edit and add to what you give. After I finish it, I will post it as a collaborative effort entry. I did a thing like this with a Spanish speaker. We had fun. story
Ahaha! That's a great idea. I do not have great imagination to create a story. My ideas are boring. I just enjoy reading, and appreciating others talent in that field! I really envy those people who can write, because I really can't. Hahaha. 😊 I'm sorry. But thank you for the invitation. 😊😁
Whoohoo! The only member of the realms (so far) to take up the additional challenge. You did a great job of using direct dialogue in a scene that didn't really require any. So glad you've learned something and now have more skills to use in your already beautiful writing. You've got some great metaphors and descriptive language that make us feel the scene and his fear.
As for terrorizing children, yes, that is how you would do it! And no, as a parent I strive for the exact opposite of that, though I know some parents who think that sort of thing is fun. You captured their energy perfectly with the callus step-dad's dialogue! Anyway I hope their children get the therapy they need and are able to become functioning adults.
Wow it was i n t e n s e, I didn't expect the end, really... I even felt the fear of the character!😣 You really are an excellent writer, I can't stop saying it hahaha
So nice of you to stop by again. This was a fun piece to write as I am learning what a metaphor is and how to write them, something of which has made speaking easier.
Hahaha, if my parents would do this to me I would probably need a lifelong therapy :D I'm scared of dark anyway and seeing a blue and a red eye would probably give me nightmares and I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully ever again :D
Great story! And I'm happy that it didn't happen to me :)
Wow. I was really slipping in and out of reality, the game and my own projected fears. I FELT that caged in sense of panic - if his brain running hard about waling his mom whilst LIVING that terror, in the moment.
Your ending? LOL. A total surprise. Touche. The light nervous laughter at the end? I wasn't sure if it was me or him. :)
You should write suspense fiction and psycho thrillers more. :)
Thoroughly enjoyed over here in Thailand.
I'm so happy to read your response. It lets me know what I did right. Now, only if I could do this every time, I'd be a genius. lol
I think only a person who enjoys horror humor would laugh at the end. 8-)
We shall see what comes out as I continue the work.
Hi tristancarax,
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This is the first time I read a writing contest here on Steemit, and I had fun reading it. I like the way how you describe even the minute detail of "rough patchwork of wallpaper." Your image in writing is so vivid, I can touch what Jon touched and I can feel my heart racing as his! Hahaha! 😁
I love your story. Very artistically done. Hope you win in the contest.
I'm so glad you hop on when a quality post of mine came out! haha. Will you come and join us for a "Finish the Story" contest?
I did get carried away with the images myself, and I liked that it pulled you into the scene. I think this is one of my strongest works yet.
Oh no! I am not a writer, and I'm just learning English. Its not my first language. So my English is limited. If I write, I will surely ran out of words. Hahaha! 😂
Yes, I definitely enjoyed your piece. I am hopeful that you nail this contest out! 😊😊
Have a pleasant day. 😊
If you want to do a teamwork entry, let me know. You'll type 300 or so words in your language and then we'll use google translator. I'll edit and add to what you give. After I finish it, I will post it as a collaborative effort entry. I did a thing like this with a Spanish speaker. We had fun. story
Ahaha! That's a great idea. I do not have great imagination to create a story. My ideas are boring. I just enjoy reading, and appreciating others talent in that field! I really envy those people who can write, because I really can't. Hahaha. 😊 I'm sorry. But thank you for the invitation. 😊😁
Should it interest you, this is an amazing book that will open up your natural writing skills. This is one of the best books I've ever gone through.
Oh, I see.. Yeah, I'll gonna try.
haha. Yes, It would be helpful to leave the link instead of testing your mindreading capabilities.
https://www.amazon.com/Writing-Natural-Way-Anniversary-Expanded/dp/0874779618
So, did Jon like the costumes? :)
Tough to say. After he gets over the nightmares, maybe... He'll probably never leave anywhere without a flashlight.
Whoohoo! The only member of the realms (so far) to take up the additional challenge. You did a great job of using direct dialogue in a scene that didn't really require any. So glad you've learned something and now have more skills to use in your already beautiful writing. You've got some great metaphors and descriptive language that make us feel the scene and his fear.
As for terrorizing children, yes, that is how you would do it! And no, as a parent I strive for the exact opposite of that, though I know some parents who think that sort of thing is fun. You captured their energy perfectly with the callus step-dad's dialogue! Anyway I hope their children get the therapy they need and are able to become functioning adults.
Your first half, @ntowl, was easy and fun to riff off of.
@ntowl, live a little in your parenting. Having traumatized children offers many adventures for years to come. haha
Jon's parents are so... adorable.
I hope this story isn't based on real facts.
It's not, but it could be... lol
Wow it was i n t e n s e, I didn't expect the end, really... I even felt the fear of the character!😣 You really are an excellent writer, I can't stop saying it hahaha
So nice of you to stop by again. This was a fun piece to write as I am learning what a metaphor is and how to write them, something of which has made speaking easier.
Hahaha, if my parents would do this to me I would probably need a lifelong therapy :D I'm scared of dark anyway and seeing a blue and a red eye would probably give me nightmares and I wouldn't be able to sleep peacefully ever again :D
Great story! And I'm happy that it didn't happen to me :)
Thank you for sharing and have a lovely day!
haha, Yeah, those are some rotten parents but, when life gets a little dull, try this.