Game Over?

While cleaning up, I found a book. Perhaps you've heard of these kinds of books; they're often gifts. Actually, it's the kind of gift I read myself or simply give away. I personally see it as a bit of a waste of money, but I kept this book. Perhaps because it has a black cat on the front, but also because the title is: "As Unhappy as Possible in 8 Steps." The title itself is hilarious, and indeed, perhaps you just have to be Dutch to see the humor in it.
We're all so busy trying to be happy, but often when we ask, "What makes you happy?" or "What makes me happy?", there's no clear answer. You can, of course, also do it the other way around: "What makes you unhappy?" and figure that out. Whatever makes you unhappy will certainly make you much happier when it's gone, and that's actually the essence of this book. A good exercise: just do what makes you unhappy for five days. Imagine giving up your year for five days, promising everyone your help, and putting only things you absolutely hate in your calendar. Your entire day, from the moment you wake up until you fall into bed late at night, is filled with activities you do solely for someone else. Not a second for yourself. No more lying in bed, no breaks, no lunch, no exercise, no fun, no quiet time. Everything you do is about being there for someone else and working your tail off to be of service. And even if you think, "I can't do it anymore," you still keep going at full strength, even if you fall, even if you're stressed. Just do it again for five days, do it for five days, as unhappily as possible. Everything that's fun and relaxing is taboo.

Let me begin with a quote from Albert Camus: "In essence, at the deepest level of life, which seduces us all, lies only absurdity and more absurdity. And perhaps that is what gives us joy in life, because the only thing that can overcome absurdity is clarity of mind."

Clearness of mind is what most of us lack. We think we always have to be there for others, and even if we only have a few minutes a day for ourselves, we still feel innocent. Many women suffer from this more than men, simply because of their upbringing, because they have to be useful and not just loiter around uselessly. Always being of service is your undoing.

Some tips on skills you can develop...

Skill 1: Mind Reading

Develop your psychic abilities to ensure you know what others think of you. When someone looks in your direction, they immediately jump to the conclusion that they're judging you or criticizing your appearance. They ignore the possibility that they might simply be lost in thought or preoccupied with something completely different... you know what? They simply skip communicating with the other person. The nice thing about mind reading is that you don't even need to have a conversation anymore. After all, you already know what the other person is thinking!

Does this sound familiar to you, perhaps, those who love to gossip?

Skill Two: The Confirmation Glasses
"Cultivate a mindset in which you constantly seek confirmation of what you already know. Not the positive things, but only the negative ones. Create a nice list of negative beliefs about yourself, for example, that you're not good enough. Store them in your mind and then see everything through the confirmation glasses."

Do those glasses sound familiar? These glasses are the exact opposite of rose-colored glasses—those that make you see life more positively and that nothing keeps you from the positive and the beautiful.

Skill three: Polish your spotlight.

I can be brief here: it's like constantly being in the spotlight, highlighting everything you're ashamed of or unhappy about, but drowning out all the positive aspects. You know, I'm still talking about being as unhappy as possible in 8 steps.

A good exercise: take a day out for yourself for a week to practice taking everything personally. Believe me, that's going to take a lot of energy, and you have to be constantly alert. Keep a diary in which you write down what's happening and that you feel like you're being targeted or attacked. So, if your favorite snack is sold out, it's obviously because you're being punished for something or because they dislike you. I'd say do your best. If we all do this for a week, the #diarygame can become a lot more interesting.

And of course, there are also some rules you have to follow if you want to be as unhappy as possible. 1. Don't set boundaries.
For this, you need the following skills:

• Excessive people-pleasing
• Time isn't yours (don't let others dictate how you spend your time...)
  And what do you think of the following skills:
• Be blind to your own growth (focus on the progress of others)
• Make envy irrelevant (if you've made it a habit to constantly compare yourself to others and see what they have, don't be happy for them, but let go of them. Use envy to put yourself down. And how do you do that? Just surround yourself with people who arouse envy in you every year.)
• Selective attention
  You can't do relatively worse than others if you focus on people who do worse than you, or if you focus on things you're confident about. So train your selective attention and focus only on people who make you feel worse about yourself and only remember where you underperform.)

And what about rule 4? Forget that you're never good enough.
After all, who needs self-confidence and satisfaction when you can wallow in a sea of ​​insecurity and misery? Make sure you become a prisoner of perfectionism in the land of never good enough. Set yourself such high standards that you can't possibly live up to them.
"Paint yourself black and blue with the internal blows, but still half-smile in your inner garden with a thumbs-up, as if everything is fine, of course. That way you don't have to ask for help, because asking for help means something is wrong, that you have to be vulnerable, and then it seems like you can't do it yourself. We don't want that, of course."

After all, it's about being as unhappy as possible, right?

And then there's also an exercise, or rather, there are several. What do you think of this one: "For 24 hours, belittle yourself in everything you do, from making coffee to grocery shopping. Immediately find a mistake and criticize yourself for not doing better. Write down everything you fall short in and stick it on a wall; then you have your Wall of Shame." Oh, and you know how it goes, and that's rule number five, too. When you rely solely on an outside source, that's the way to truly become unhappy: relying completely on others to determine your worth.

And some more side tips: as mentioned before, a little common sense is needed to realize something. Mentally retiring early is what many seem to do. Is the reason for all depressions hanging around in the black hole of nihilism and feeling sorry for yourself? If you've already reached that point, you could, of course, just dig in your heels and try to make nothing of life. Psychological suicide, according to Albert Camus, is always within your freedom of choice.

And no, you don't have to buy this book, because you probably already know the most important thing, and a lack of sleep is a very good way to become unhappy.

Rule number seven? Dwell on the past and worry excessively about the future...

Rule 8:
Make sure you choose a job, relationship, and friendship that makes you miserable. This is the rule that most quickly and efficiently makes you unhappy and fits well with the perfectionist mindset where everything has to be done optimally.

Just reread the above and ask yourself what matters to you. It's not game over yet. Change isn't done overnight, but if you're truly unhappy, you have nothing left to lose. Perhaps something to keep in mind to help you overcome the depression you often talk yourself into.
There's no time machine; we can't go back to the past. And if there's no future or it doesn't look rosy, then you might as well live today.

_{Prompt: see title
16-1-2026
Original: Dutch - translation Google -free}