Mindfulness Monday - Week 15 -Time can't change me, I can't change time.
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Good Day my fellow Steemians ! I hope the past week has treated everyone well or well enough. As I mentioned last week I had my surgery on Wednesday. Everything went very well. I did spend the night in the hospital and left about noon on Thursday. I didn't want to go, because I didn't want to sit in excessive heat. I was reminded I would be drugged sleeping in excessive heat LOL. Probably won't hear anything back from Pathology until tomorrow, overall I'm happy with how things went and my recovery so far.
Here is a funny to share, I received a text Friday morning (I had not been out of the hospital 24 hrs yet) asking me when I could or plan on coming back to work. I know we all heal differently, my major issue is to do nothing. I always over do it. Which is why I have my mom and husband here.
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Let me tell you that has been a very different experience. I was told that I would not spend my time on the computer while she was here. Funny, she carries around her laptop, ipad and her phone. Her and my stepdad do run their own business and I understand why she's semi attached to her keyboard. On the other hand, her ipad all she does is facebook and play silly games. Silly games are ones I don't think challenge the mind. She argues with me over Candy Crush and Words With Friends. I see them as problem solving and language skills. I'm told they're silly games.
Don't get me wrong I love my mom to pieces. I have learned quite a bit over the past week. The person who is helping me right now, is not the person who raised me. We all change as we get older and we have to learn to accept that change. What made me think of this and decide to write on it today is because, while things have been good. I have been snapped at, told to grow up and (the one phrase I have issues with) being told she's disappointed in me. Of course me being me I said 'that's fine, I have never lived up to anyone's expectations, why should I now.' "No one is ever happy with what I decide, why should I live my live to suit what they want?" 'You're pretty damn selfish.' "No, I don't have room for people in my life that can't just accept me for me."
She asked me if friends ever come over. I said extremely rarely. She said it was because my house is a dump. My house is not a dump. You can see the floors, the counters are clear. Since we live in a desert environment we have several types of dust and silt that cover everything. I would have to dust 24/7 and still wouldn't be on top of it. I explained that most of my friends are like me are more comfortable at their homes so I go there. Then she tells me they're selfish.
When she snapped at me last night again over my house not being 'spotless' I reminded her I went through 10 yrs of white glove tests and then lived with a bunch of 'frat boys' that felt because I was the only girl, it was my job to clean up after them. To keep my sanity. I said 'You Win.' You guys do whatever you want, I am not your mom and I am not playing any more. Again told I was selfish. I told her no it was me standing up for myself and I am no longer going to tolerate being treated poorly by anyone. Then I walked out of the room.
She apologized if she hurt my feelings, I don't think she understands what she said that hurt my feelings. I am sorry I am the black sheep of the family. I am sorry I am the failure. I am not vain and didn't marry a sugar daddy (or mama in my brother's case)
I don't want anyone taking this a downer. It's not. It's a realization. No matter how you live your life, as long as you are happy, that is all that matters. Strive for your goals because you want to. Love others because you want to. Not because someone has told you to. Be true to yourself. Live a moral life (does not have to be religious). We all know right from wrong. Cherish the memories you do have, but don't live in that time. Live in the now, or you will end up feeling hurt in the end. Right now what you do, feel and act is all that matters.
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Thank you for your continued love and support, Namaste
I am glad you made it back home. I hope you recover quickly and yes always stay true to you.
Thanks @stever82 Things are healing nicely. It's nice to just have some peaceful time.
I hope you recover quickly, but more importantly that you recover completely. Healing is not just for our physical body. Often times our minds and spirits need healing as well.
I wish you the best and that you find reconciliation with your mom.
So very true. Everything is good with Mom. I just had to remind her I'm not 12 anymore. That I do other things on the computer besides play games. In fact, my game playing has cut down immensely to working graveyards. I have just enough time to work on Steemit and pay my bills. I felt bad, 2 of the times she got on me about being on the computer...I was paying bills. I didn't say anything, I just let it go.
We had one our good talks and told her she's only seeing a small portion of things and she still doesn't know the whole story of what I have been through (I just want to save her from feeling bad over not being able to do anything) There wasn't and isn't anything she can do to fix it. As they say it's all in my head now LOL
Now that I'm able to get back to posting, which I realized has been immensely helpful (more than I realized it would be) I've done some great guided meditations lately and been using solfeggio healing frequencies when I sleep. I have to say this is the calmest, most centered I have been in months.
Thank you so much @sumatranate for the well wishes and the reminder to look after my mind too.
I couldn't have said it better myself @tryskele!! I spent so long staying in an unhappy marriage, because that was expected of me, regardless of my happiness. The woman I am today would have run screaming not long after the vows lol, but here I am, no longer a doormat.
FYI, I love who you are :)
So glad the surgery went well, fingers crossed for results. I was wondering about you today, so I'm glad I saw this! <3
Trying to get back into the swing of things. As you can see it's been a bit tenuous. So I sneak on here and there. <3
@tryskele, just do what you can and get better 😅
Monday is work day for me.
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It usually is. I'm off right now due to recovery.
Living life is the only mantra.....forget all worries..and be happy
Learning that more everyday :)
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Happy Monday - a week late.
Thank you for your upvote.