I think you're too hard on yourself. Nobody climbs a ladder from the first step to the last in one go. You need to take it one step at a time, one rung at a time. I know a true artist will always be dissatisfied. Trial and error is the key to success. If we look at the famous painting "The Scream," it has many more remarkable aspects than its apparent beauty. I mean, it's not beautiful, but it's an imposing work of art. You don't need to resemble anything; that's where beauty lies: creating something that reflects your thoughts. Critical thinking matters little. What do you feel when you paint, whether it turns out well or badly? What motivates you? That feeling is beautiful; that's what matters.