Cold Storage (film): It's drivel, but entertaining enough

Normally when a film gets to a near 7/10 rating on a number of sites and has actors that I kind of like in it I am wiling to give it a chance. This is what I did with Cold Storage and tried to remain optimistic as the film went on. It looked like it could have been good but unfortunately it just kind of ends up being a slophouse movie (a term I just made up) and mostly it is just kind of dumb.

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I'm starting to wonder if Liam Neeson really needs money because it appears as though he is in every third movie that Nicolas Cage isn't in.

In this film the opening sequence seems really cool as they talk about some sort of NASA research satellite that crashed to earth and most of it burned up in the atmosphere but some of it didn't. Inside this bit that didn't burn up was a parasitic fungus that is capable of wiping out all life on earth and therefore, must be contained.

They claim that this is a "real story" at the beginning but I don't think that is the case at all. I think it is one of those things like the did with Fargo where they dupe you into watching because it is a "real story" and I guess you are allowed to say that even when it is a lie.

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The reason why I can say, without looking, that I don't think that any of this is based on a real story or real happenings is because the basis of all of it is that a super secure military base ended up getting sold by the government and the people who bought it were allowed to do whatever they wanted with it and were also, somehow, completely unaware of what it used to be and also that the top secret areas of the structure are still there, still operating, and somehow, still have power.

It's all kind of stupid if you are the kind of person that doesn't really like completely unrealistic things being the backbone of the story.

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So of all the people involved in the decommissioning of this structure and the purchasers and everyone involved in construction, nobody ever looked in this clearly visible manhole cover that conveniently has a never-ending supply of electricity and light bulbs that stiff function 40 years later... totally plausible.

This is meant to be a horror/comedy but I didn't really notice many comedic elements of it. I still can't think of any really. There are a few jumpscares in it but it is rather evident they are coming. In fact, nothing really surprising ever happens in this story other than things just becoming more and more ridiculous such as a deer somehow figuring out how to open doors and also use an elevator.

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The best I can come up with as to why this was ever made is because producers are attempting to cash in on the popularity of Stranger Things actors and actresses right now and this seems like a formula that would work especially if combined with the presence of a trusted and respected actor like Liam Neeson gets added to the mix.

I can't help but feel that some of the good natured sentiment in the ratings of this film are fabricated though because there are an awful lot of people 10/10'ing this thing when there is no chance that this is the case at all. I can understand if there were a few people out there that thought it was better than average, but for the distribution to be so heavy on the 10's is very suspect to me.

I like the idea behind an unseen parasite being the "baddy" in a film. There was a horror film many years ago called Cabin Fever that did exactly that and it was very clever, very well-written, and very original. This just seems like something that someone got the green light on a bunch of poorly made CGI and then built a story around that.

Should I watch it?

I am going to break out a rating that I have never used before because while I do think the story is dumb in this one and the CGI is definitely second-tier I have to say that despite all of this I did find this one entertaining. I think that most of my disappointment stems from the fact that the first 10 minutes of this film are really good and then it just kind of takes a strange turn towards the absurd from that point forward.

It's decent mindless entertainment that if you just want to switch off your brain and have a decent time, you can do a lot worse than this. Just don't expect anything very special.

The budget of this film is a guarded secret but I can only presume the lost a ton seeing as how it only made 2.2 million dollars at the box office.

_{This is not available to stream as part of any service at the moment and can only be rented and purchased for around $20, which IMO is a total waste of money for something that is just average}