13 year old daughter social media
I share my concerns gently out loud. They trust I don't make executive decisions or get concerned easily. They are inclined to reassure/explain to me or hear my concerns and mull it over.
Sometimes they might shout at me for a while and get frustrated.
But what I did from the start is always give their opinions full attention and value & discussed a lot of stuff with them as a natural part of parenting.
I changed my opinions when given good reason.
I believed and trusted their reassurances.
I trusted and I didn't organise or prune things for them.
From little they made their decisions and they've made good ones.
If I’m really concerned, I'd get into a cosy space with her where she knows it's her decision and responsibility. I'd talk with her about what's working for her in that environment and what's not and I'd let her talk about what she can come up with that may make the balance suit her better.
Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash
I would not suggest solutions. She has them all in her head.
I'd let her know to look for them in her head and be available to discuss them, only if she wants.
If she doesn't want to I’d know I need to start going out for mother-daughter dates more often to mend the connection.
Always, our NUMBER ONE priority has to be to promote connection so they have access to our advice and will trust themselves and us.
Hi @sallylloyd, me and my wife have just gone through some of the worst weeks ever due to social media.
Our daughter has just turned 11 and has been bullied. this has happened on the social media giant youtube. some boys decided to make fun of her and her friend by mimicking them.
This video then got shared around their friends and has caused a lot of distress for her and her friend.
We have had the police involved, school has been contacted and they didn't really do anything to help the matter.
one of the boys who was in the video, his mother works at the school where my daughter and her son goes too. her reaction to this was don't worry just change your youtube name.
school are on the boys side by saying that the video was not that bad.
my daughter does not want to go to school, she really hates it.
we have kept her off for a few days last week as her mind can't cope with all the stress its put her under.
Social media for children should be stopped. after witnessing this first hand we strongly believe that children under 18 should have no access to the internet.
they should go out and play like we did when we were kids. there is no shortage of parks, they have bikes, footballs.
In all fairness, kids are becoming more lazier by sitting in front of computers.
sorry for the essay, just strong feelings when it comes to kids and social media. good luck with what you decide
I can imagine what you're dealing with. Bullying is indeed a bit problem. However, the idea of denying kids access to the Internet is unrealistic, as everywhere they go they see people constantly checking their phones. They'd just want access even more...
On the other hand, suppose you could enforce such a rule - you'd have an 18yo clueless how the Internet works and still exposed to bullying, trolling or even worse. Also, let's remember bullying is not a creation of the digital era. I'm really sorry your little girl was a victim of a cruel video, but even without YouTube those kids would've found another way of bulling her in the school-yard.
My daughter wanted facebook a few years ago, and stupidly I made her an account, with this she then started getting messages from men, grown men. this made me sick to the stomach with pictures of themselves. I ended up taking it off her and gave the details of the men to the police.
The youtube incident was horrible for her to go through as she didn't even know that there was a video out there of her. It was a friend of hers that told her.
The school tried brushing it under the rug, then when the police came to school to question the boy's involved they then made it clear that they didn't stand for bullying and it was in their school policy.
so they took all the kids to a place in Sheffield to see the effects that online bullying can have.
Social media will never go away I understand that and wrapping her in cotton wool will not help as she will never get strong to deal with things in life.
I just think there should be more things on the web to protect kids from the horrible doing that they bring on each other.
Right now my kid is on her phone playing roadblocks, I can't stop her from playing games so we like to keep her in the same room as us so we can monitor what she is doing. it is not because we don't trust her, but more we don't trust others who bring these negative things into others lives.
now the schoolyard bullying is another issue we have with the same boy, he has had her by the throat and also tried pushing her down the stairs. he has also got her bag and chucked everything of hers across the room and kicked it around.
If I was 11 I would go into school and kick his little arse for him but I am a grown man.
Now when I say the school won't do anything well this is because the boys mum is a TA, and from what they have said to us in a meeting last Wednesday, is she is a really nice woman and they don't want to upset her.
They then had the audacity to say that it was my daughter's mental health. there is nothing wrong with my daughter. she is a little nervous yes but she has no mental health conditions she is a girl trying to grow up in this big world.
as you can see this is a big deal for us at the minute.
Yes @artonmysleeve, I’ve seen some horrible bullying take place on social media and I’ve dealt with trolling myself too. I’m sorry for what your daughter has been through. So humiliating.
Potential bullying is definitely a reason to be involved and connected if your kids use social media. My kids haven’t posted videos. They are tentative, naturally. They know that all the youtubers they watch and the bands they follow have had to deal with trolling. They’ve dealt with it in minecraft servers too and have been able to tell me how to deal with trolls when I got trolled as a homeopath.
I tend to agree with @LadyRebecca that they are not going to avoid bullying by being banned from social media. In my daughter’s school they did plenty bullying with phones, a printer and a photocopier.
Only one of my daughter’s is in school and she’s largely avoided social media because of the problems with it. I’ve not told her to. I just let her talk and she came up with that solution.
I hope your daughter feels strong again soon.
it is a big issue. There is no way to protect kids on the net, just from a simple search they can be exposed to so much.
We have had talks with her, she wants to build a youtube channel and we have said yes, she came to us with a plan to build it for kids aged between 1 and 6. she wants to use puppets and act out plays and things. she is really bright.
but everything that she does is going to go through us first, which we think will help.
This is such a HUGE issue! my daughters are 15 and it's my 13 year olds birthday today. oh man.... I worry on this subject.
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Me too, but you know you have to keep avenues of communication open and not drive it underground, right? As soon as you start banning things there’s that chance.
Straight after I made this post the universe sent my dd13 to test if I could hold my resolve on this one. She’s got VERY gothic tastes in TV, especially some animé she had on last night that was bloodthirsty. Horror and gore are not my thing but she loves them and is not afraid of them. I’m not altogether sure they are good for her trust of people! I don’t rush in. I’ll voice it and talk to her about what she likes about them. Then I’ll try to u derstand and put my concern there if I need to, but I never ban.
I agree. my eldest daughter has a best friend who's back living in TX again, and unfortunately, her mother is a "banner" and I don't mean a little bit, I mean a LOT! She caught her daughter having (what she felt was) a "sexy" conversation with a boy- and took away every device she had, banned her from the internet completely.... and that was over 10 months ago! She's only just this past christmas allowed my daughter to talk to her daughter for an hour on skype once a week!!! And I know from Quinlin talking to me about it, that her friend is going through a really hellish time, trying to get use to being back in the US after living abroad for 10 years, and has been seriously depressed and even having suicidal tendencies.... I'm honestly terrified for her!!! I've offered to have her come stay with us this summer for a few months, but I highly doubt her mom will let her. :>(
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Yes, the ramifications of our actions as parents can be pretty scary and unknown so I’m always trying to trust my daughters’ instincts and be led by their internal wisdom. I’ve got more chance of getting it right and getting their cooperation if I do so.
There’ll be times they will make bad decisions I’m guessing, but I’ll not be standing there going “See! What did I tell you?” in a triumphant & perhaps frantic recinforcement of my own freedom from responsibility in the matter. I’ll be no better off being ‘in the clear’ that way as I’ll still have to watch them suffer the consequences of their mistakes and I’m in a better position to help if I’m not crowing in an angry voice “SEE!”
lol and yea, my eldest LOVE goth type tv shows- supernatural, shadow hunters, and several others :D so I hear ya!
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Love your last points there, our youth are able to make good decisions with a bit of guidance and a good family behind them.
They are. ❤️ I have a daughter who, from young would have run toward anything you tell her she can’t touch. She’s 17 and being light-touch has saved a lot of reactive rebellion.
Having them to analyze their situation, interpret data and find their own solutions is great parenting. They will be so much better off learning how to solve their own problems.
Yes! And being an adviser who won’t push or remove stuff means they can tell you anything. And when they get into their teens and late teens you want them to feel they can talk to you about anything because I think it’s when they really need to sound things out and check how you react.
My dd17 said to a friend of ours “I always check my mum’s face to see if what I’m doing is safe or crazy.” “Eek!” I said!
That’s quite a vote of trust. She knows she can go do what she wants. She doesn’t feel like I’ll hold her back. But she checks my judgment to second check hers.
And then she looks after herself.
Also, a parent is someone who’ll love you unconditionally, so you can make what you think are mistakes and you can tell them and get advice, comfort, get it off your chest. And the next day is the next day. You can move on.