Growing Up / My Filipino Wife's Story

The following story is from my wife. I would like to introduce her to you all. I know you will just love her.

"I was born in 1981 to Arsenio Agraviador and Elizabeth Lopez in Ormoc City, Leyte, Philippines. I am the eldest of three children. I have a younger sister, Karisma and our youngest brother, Karl. We are all a year apart so we grew up pretty close to each other. My grandparents also lived with us and so we kind of grew up with them. I was closer to my grandma (dad’s mom) than to any of my parents. I remember never leaving her side even when she goes to work, she takes me with her. I sleep with her every night. Until she died when I was 4 years old. I think around this age I couldn’t say that I’m close to my parents because we only see them at night when they come home from work.

During the day we were always either with nannies or the house help and our grandparents. My father though is very much involve with us even during these years. I remember him coming home at two in the afternoon, taking a break from his job everyday, just to check if we were taking a nap. He’ll stay for about 10 minutes. When they come home at night they always play us. My dad is the disciplinarian and my mom spoiled us. People told us that my mom is scary when crossed. I remember a story where she reprimanded the city hospital nurses and staffs because they wouldn’t take care of a sick person with no money. But to us, I remember her to be the sweetest mom. She always cries outside the bedroom door whenever we get in trouble and get a spanking from my dad. She gives us toys even though we don’t ask for them. She lets us borrow her stuffs. I remember vividly when she was already sick and dying, she couldn’t eat any more solid foods and one of her foods is Cerelac, the baby cereal. Well, we love it so much too that whenever we had some my siblings and I would always get on to it and finish up the box. Somebody told us that we shouldn’t eat them because they are for our mom. I remember her lying in bed telling that person that it’s okay because we are her children and that if we want them we could have them. I always tell people I don’t remember my mom much and I don’t really miss her because I wasn’t very close with her but these few memories that I have of her tells me that she loves us very much and that even in that age I knew it or felt it. My dad is the disciplinarian. I remember even though he is not with us during the day, if we ever did something we were not supposed to do, when he comes home from work we get in trouble for it. We always get the corporal punishment which is a spanking on our behind using a particular belt. One thing about it though is that whenever we get spanked my father always did it calmly and he made sure we understood why we were spanked. He also made us think of the consequences of our actions and he always tells us we are disciplined because he loves us. I feared my dad when I was younger. First because I would get in trouble when I do wrong, later it’s because I would upset him and make him sad when I do wrong.

Now as an adult, I understood him very well and it made so much grateful that he is my dad. I will never forget when my dad told us that after my mom died, we were the only ones that made him go on. He never missed a birthday or any activity in school where we need him. He never missed a graduation or closing ceremonies in school, since we started in preschool until we graduate from college. He also supports us the best he can in our school activities. He was our driver to all our extra-curricular activities. I have never had any history of abuse of any kind. I grew up in a secure, loving home. We did not have much but we were never lacking in love or in food.
With my siblings, we were always on top of each other and the house is too small for us when we were younger. I remember us fighting everyday. However, we also made up and forgave each other everyday. Even though we just had a fight, whenever one of us is troubled or need anything, the others always step up to help or comfort. We are confident in each other’s love and we knew we would always take care of each other. Some of my best childhood memories are sleeping with my grandparents, going with my mom or dad on their out of town trips and my mom baking cakes almost every week.

The worst parts were when my loved ones died. My two grandmothers, my mom, and last one is my great uncle when I was in 6th grade. I missed him a lot.The biggest change that happened during my childhood was when my mom got sick and died. We were fairly well-off with my parents both having good jobs. My dad worked with a government bank and my mom is a CPA and also worked with the government. We were taken care of by nannies. When my mom got sick we have to sell a lot of things to pay for her treatment. When she died we had to let go of our nannies. My grandma (on my mom’s side) lived with us then together with my great uncle. Both of them took care of us while my dad struggled to make ends meet. My dad always made us prioritized our education though. He always tried to make us read anything, not just our textbooks. My dad always pin the honor ribbon on us during closing ceremonies in school. This encouraged us to always do good with our grades so we will get on the honor roll. In high school, I was with the Girl Scouts and trained in Basic First Aid, Basic Life Support-CPR and Rescue with the Philippine Red Cross. This helped me with my self-confidence. Focusing on school and this extra-curricular activities kept me away from trouble, alcohol and drugs. My dad sort of shielded us from family problems so growing up the only real problems I have would be regarding school. However, my dad also thought us critical thinking and initiative. This helped me make wise decisions and actions. With regards to the history of rebellion, I am afraid to rebel against my dad and any authority. Although I try to always do what my dad tells me to do I’m stubborn and at times prideful. I believe the Lord is continuously working His way in me and dealing with me everytime pride and stubbornness comes back.

When I got to college, I failed two of my courses. However, this is not due to rebellion. I am embarrassed to say that it was because I got lazy and didn’t focus as much on my schooling. With regards to handling of finances and debt, my dad has instilled in us to be scared of borrowing money and to always just live within your means.
I have crushes but I never dated and my only serious relationship was the one with my husband now. I met Timothy on christianmingle.com. When I joined the free trial of this dating site what was going through my mind is Godcan work through any media even the internet so why not. Then one day, I talked to God about my lifetime partner, when is he coming, I’m not getting younger. Then he said, “you committed your lifetime partner to me but you never really asked me for him. Remember when you were in college, you prayed for a best friend and she also asked me for a friend and I gave you to each other (although we don’t keep in touch as much, she is still one of my closest friends), why don’t you do the same for your husband. Ask him of me. And so I did. And that afternoon, I receive a message on my email that somebody clicked yes on my profile. Other people also clicked yes on my profile before but may be because of bad internet connection (but I believe it was God) the process don’t get through. I couldn’t click yes back on their profile. That time, everything worked out. That was Timothy.

And I just had this assurance then that God’s has answered my prayer. I just met my husband. It wasn’t about a year after that we had our first chat and video chat and got to really talk and know about each other. We both prayed about continuing the relationship further and 7 months after we got engaged. Our long distance relationship helped a lot with our understanding each other because we really got to know each other better, and became comfortable with each other. One of the adjustments we had was sleeping. Timothy slept alone for a long time so he is not used to somebody beside him. Even though I understand him, it would often upset me if he couldn’t sleep because I was touching any part of his body. At present, he has adjusted already. When we were first married, I also had to adjust to sleeping in total darkness. I always sleep with a light on but Timothy couldn’t sleep with even the fire alarm green light blinking. I would say our weakness is we are both stubborn and want to get our way. And our strength is we both love God more than we love each other and we each want the other to love God more. We know God brought us together and we would always acknowledge that He is the center of this family.

We made sure we hug, kiss and cuddle everyday. We are also fortunate that my in-laws offered to watch the kids once a week so we can have time together without them. We have two daughters. Our eldest is Ayanna. She is a quiet and smart child. She silently observes what is going on around her. Even when she was a newborn, we find her listening to our conversations. She is also careful with her actions. She rarely fell when she started walking because she takes her time to put the first foot forward. She balanced herself first before taking another step. I am really surprised at how her language is developing. Before she was two she doesn’t say many words. We watched signing time dvd to help us understand what she wants and she loves the children in the dvd so she learned the signs fast. When she turned two, she suddenly was saying full sentences very clearly. She is developing very well physically, mentally and emotionally.

Our second daughter is Arielle. She is the exact opposite of her sister. She is loud and quite smart too. She copies her sister a lot. She is now saying many words very clearly. She makes sure she says the words right. I would say she is a prankster because she likes to tease us and her sister. She easily laughs and smiles. She was laughing when she was 4 mo. old and she wakes up smiling a lot of the times. She is now running and climbing boxes and tables. She is not as careful as Ayanna. She charges into things. She is also developing very well physically, mentally and emotionally. They are both very good kids. My in-laws always told us that they are such good babies. Our main discipline problem is when we don’t agree on what needs to be disciplined and what’s not, especially when the kids are so cute while they are being mischievous. I could say, we as parents have gotten better at it though. We’ve agreed to always support each other especially in front of the kids when one is giving a discipline. My prayer for my children is that they would grow up with a heart that would long and seek after God. That they would have a personally relationship with Jesus and follow Him. We believe they are God’s first and that God loves them way more than we would ever do.

Our third child is Athalia. She is our little baby girl. She brings so much pleasure and happiness to us.

One of my strengths is I can easily adapt to my environment. The biggest changes for me in the last five years is getting married, moving to another country and being pregnant and giving birth to two beautiful girls. I don’t really consider these stressful experiences though. I am so happy because I know this is where God wants me to be and I have a great husband who I can talk to and enjoy this journey with. I also have great in-laws who support us and we have very good relationship with them. I talk to my parents in the Philippines and my siblings through the phone and sometimes video chat so they were able to see the kids.

My early influences would probably be my grandparents. My dad’s family were protestants and my mom was a catholic. So on Sundays my grandparents will take us to Sunday school in the morning at their church and in the afternoon my mom takes us to the catholic church. We were also able to join a Vacation Bible School during the summer. One of my biggest influence though at a young age was the superbook and flying house cartoons and comic book by CBN. It is where I read the gospel story as we go through their literature program and I believe helped me understood later on what Jesus did for me and accept him as my Lord and Savior. Then when I entered high school, our physics teacher shared to us scriptures everyday, which made open and read the Bible. She then did a Bible study with us and it is during one of our Bible studies when I accepted Jesus in my heart as my Savior and Lord. I was 16 years old that time and it was the best moment of my life.
Thank you for reading my personal story." Kathlyn

I am grateful that my husband is on Steemit using his time wisely.