Carrying what is no longer ours to bear
It is almost two years since I took this photo of my wife, she looks peaceful doesn't she? She wasn't, she was in a lot of pain and spent several stints in a hospital bed. These times came to mind over the last few days with my daughter being back in a room a few dozen metres away from where she was born.
I never really got to take all the photos I had planned of the pregnancy but, I took enough that they come to mind now and again as various events take place. I guess I have a photographic memory. I don't mean where I can remember everything but, I have taken so many photos over the years that my memory is spurred by an even to find an image that attaches to it. It has a strange kind of déjà vu vibe.
I have spent a lot of time and effort taking photos but, not a great deal on learning the techniques which means I have to work more from feel than technical ability. I occasionally get lucky and get something great. I would however love to spend some time trying to get better at portraits and especially using a simple flash as it is where I really struggle to come close to what I want. Portraiture is incredibly difficult for me.
Even though they aren't great, having a memory of who we once were and what we have been through can be a stark reminder of what we have survived. We can see the scars life has left on our bodies and seeing ourselves in the past can bring to mind and body the feelings of those times, like we have been transported back to those moments and get a chance to relive them knowing what we know now.
i wonder if we had photos of the hardest times in our lives we could revisit them and process them again to come to terms with them, learn lesson that we may have missed, mend the damages that were done and rebuild ourselves to be empowered by the experience, not oppressed. Our memories of the past have the tendency to become the baggage of our present and guide our steps into the future.
We carry so much with us bat rarely do we consider if the burden is ours to bear and if our experience of life would be better if we acknowledged it for what it is, set it down on the side of our pathway, and moved on. When we carry something for so long, it is easy to become attached and identify with something that is not ours at all.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
A nice writing. Is it not that we grow better and to be better when we allow ourselves to reflect on where we went wrong and acquire the humbleness to accept our mistakes in order to learn how to improve?
If I hadn't made some of the mistakes I have in life, I wouldn't have had to suffer for them and would not have been humbled enough to be better.
You take a good photo, real, striking and capturing. What better way to remember.
Great post.
I heard the other day, from Jordan Peterson, we often think we hold on to memories because we want to remember fun stuff, but he argues thats not true.
We remember what we need to survive, and thrive. We recall challenge only for so long as we need to "process" it, kind of like you are saying. We can put it down, if we are able, and move on.
BUT we have to be ready or we cant. How do you get ready? He explains but the short answer is work through our fears and stress with help from a professional.
One other thing he says is we think of the past as done, and irreversible, and though it is kind of, it also isnt. We can absolutely change how we feel about the past and in so doing change the past. Example: you see a new movie, you are loving it, its fun, exciting, etc, but then it ends terribly, its got no meaningful conclusion and suddenly we hate the film. The present in this way changed the past enjoyment to dislike.
Another example: you love a girl, you have a long and great relationship, then you find out she was cheating for years. Does that change your experience of joy these past years? Yup. You start doubting the reality you accepted. You change what the past reality was in light of what you now know in the present.
Interesting stuff.
The last example is one that hints at another factor in the reverse. A bad experience that ends well will be judged more favourably in hindsight. I think if we could go back using our imaginations and have some important conversations of the past again, we would likely be much better off for it.
The ability to remember and the ability to forget (let go and move on) are very personal. I find myself following some inner instinct. Decisions are not mine to make. Your photography is more than luck.
Women are the oddly strong... Nothing on that photo reflects pain. Her concentration is on the precious cargo she's carrying :) It's a beautiful photo.
I rarely go through mine because mine are embedded with most my past's pain. Which may also have contributed to the fact that I hate my photos being taken or not. I guess you are right, our memories do guide our steps or influence them.
Our memories, conscious or not become our intuitions yet, our memories are imperfect by design. People still tend to trust their intuitions.
So very true!
Know I've said it before, but I like your photos. Know that you probably stick with your best shots for steemit, but trust me even seasoned photographers take a lot of photos to get that one perfect shot. They also will sit in a location waiting for perfect lighting for hours and have minutes to take as many shots as possible hoping to get the one they want.
Holding onto things that may not even be your burden. Think that most people do this for one reason or another. For some these help shape us into better people as we know the wrongs committed in the past, but for others it's just purely a weight that holds them down.
Some people are empowered by their pasts, some disenfranchised by it. It doesn't seem to matter on the events, it is attitude and willingness to learn and let go as the case may be.
With my wife, I have fractions of seconds to get the shot. She is impatient with me. ;)
Completely agree about the attitude determining how someone perceives an event. During my high school years I lost a number of friends and it crippled a few of our group including one who committed suicide. Why they took all of it so hard vs the rest of us never made sense as they were probably the least close to the friends we lost. Some of us looked at it as a reminder that we needed to live our lives and he took it as a reason to end his. A couple key events in my past that effected more then one person I can clearly see how it effected different people in different ways.
Your Wife at least gives you some time...mine doesn't ever want to be photoed.
Hello, they say that to remember is to live, they also say that we should not look at the past; But I think the past is like the years you spent studying to prepare for a career, so I think the past is the preparation to live in the present and face the future. God bless your life.
Just when I thought you've fallen asleep, after you said so in your previous post, you now come up with something more beautiful.
"having a memory of who we once were and what we have been through can be a stark reminder of what we have survived."
I couldn't agree more with the above, history is an important component of our life.
I think every photographer has his own techniques and his own touch. I like your photos and they are very nice. The more you work on it the better you become. Your wife looks lovely! It is nice to have these nice memories that your daughter will see after some years :)
First let me tell you that your photos are not so bad, they seem very good and even more showing the stage of pregnancy of your wife, very tender. And of course the photographs are responsible for moving you to those moments, perhaps not so pleasant, but if it is already past you can say that they are overcome, we could hardly rectify, but as you say is the luggage that we must carry in our I presented.
This. Thank you.