While not having had substance abuse problems myself, I can relate to seeing old pictures and not even recognizing it's you there. In my depression I could barely look at happy times, like those shared with my Dad in little league baseball. The fun and joy I had once seemed to have been removed from my life. It seemed I didn't know how to even be happy or if I ever would again. I hope you have since found some friends you can turn to or at the very least reach out to some people here. I myself have used @stellabelle secret writer service so you are definitely not alone. But if you do feel that way, you can email me at bendjmiller222@gmail.com you can send from any email you wish. Just hope to share support towards others who have such pain in their lives.