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RE: SECRET WRITER: I Wish I'd Never Been Born
Please consider Entheogens.
A potential regimen:
Begin by 'microdosing' with psilocybin (cubensis mushrooms)
.25 grams every 3rd day, powdered in gelcaps they go down easier.
A month in, pick a quiet weekend and calm surrounding, and try 3 grams.
(read up on other people's trip reports @ Erowid)
Step regular 3rd-day doses up to .5 grams after this.
This has the potential to provide long-lasting gains in overall mood, lessen depression, smooth out brain chemistry swings and gain a sense of perspective.
I want to do this, but I don't want to do it alone. What do you suggest as far as partners go?
Microdosing is a good way to start, as you don't need a partner to watch you. That lets you work your way up. The ideal situation once you have a good amount of experience is several dried grams (2-5) in silent darkness in a comfortable bedroom, just you and your inner self.
Let me see, ah....here's a good collection of 'trip reports' from various levels.
https://www.shroomery.org/6255/Trip-Reports
But I get the desire for guidance, or at least someone trusted in the next room in case you have a hard time. One of my dreams is to work with some good people and build a healing & growth center down in Chile, next to the Fort Galt project. Self-exploration assisted with high-end biofeedback, float tanks, physical therapy, and good organic food. Beats psychiatric office visits, I'll bet!
@daowisp, good advice! I was going to suggest some of the same things.
Feeling this badly is never something you have to accept and live with, and I know from experience that people can get better. You (the #secret-writer) should be open to all types of medicines and therapy and not give up trying. I've known some people who could probably have benefited from entheogens, hypnosis, and meditation but never had the chance or even considered it.