SECRET WRITER: The Woman Of My Dreams Cheated On Me And Nearly Destroyed My Life
I first met her at a work place.
The second I looked at her, I could hardly take my eyes off her.
Her beautiful and charming smile she kept on giving to the customers had me somewhat hypnotized. I kept on looking at her, walking around still looking at her, I felt like I couldn't take off my eyes off her at all.
Until she noticed me, looking directly at her, I took at least 5 seconds to turn my head. I was just lost in my world looking at how pretty she was. Then I realized, how much of a stalker I looked like while fixating on her. We had eye contact for at least 5 seconds and I felt like I scared her by doing so.
I was so intimidated, I started pretending that I was searching for some clothes while still thinking about how creepy I was to stare at her like I did, standing in the middle of the shop.
I finally decided to go and talk to her, surprisingly this is how our story began. She gave me her Facebook and we started talking for the first time on Facebook the very same day which led us into the beginning of our relationship.
Two years later, we moved in together.
Never I had loved a woman this much. We were already talking about getting married, about how many kids we would want, what their names would be. I was already telling her how far I would go for her and that I would die for her and that I would never let anything or anyone harm her.
I was experiencing love for the first time in my life, I felt obsessed with her security, and with everything that could affect her in a bad way.
I made sure to tell her how beautiful she was everyday, how I would be taking care of her for the rest of my life.
She loved me just as much. We would call each other at every single free moment we had, while on breaks at work, while eating, while taking the bus back home. We were truly in love and I felt her love just as much as I was loving her. I never once felt like she was distracted. Not once I felt like she had her mind elsewhere until the most horrible day of my life started.
It was the weekend, I was doing a night shift and she had a family supper she would attend.
A family supper, I knew every single member of her family, her brother and her sisters , I loved them just as much as I loved mine. In my mind it was going to be a regular family supper but it wasn't. It was bigger than that.
Her family invited another family to supper, long-time friends, childhood friends which they grew up with. When we first started knowing each other, we shared our past relations, what worked and what didn't. Why it didn't. We decided not to go into details at this point, we decided not to include those failed relationships in our relationship and avoided telling each other who we went out with, because we thought it would be way easier this way to look at our own relationship and make it as if it was our first.
We left the past behind, I should say I left the past behind, because after this night she clearly did not.
She met her childhood love this night at that supper, a man that she did not see for the past 10 years because his parents moved away. His parents were her parents long time friends. He ended up offering to drive her back home at the end of the night.
He went and drove her home, while I was still at work doing my night shift.
While on my shift she calls me, explaining to me how the supper was and that she just arrived home. She explained to me that she saw her childhood "friend" and that he drove her home. Her voice tone started to change , her voice started shaking as if she was about to cry.
My heart started pumping so fast, she hadn't told me anything bad yet. I felt something was wrong and that made me really uncomfortable with the tone of her voice, something that I literally never felt before. I was so confused at this moment even if she had not said anything yet. So many things were going trough my mind, I was already thinking about it. The way her voice tone changed right after she told me that he drove her home made me imagine the worst scenarios ever. I thought he raped her and I started feeling angry. I was so uncomfortable that I couldn't even ask why she was about to cry.
Then these words came out 'I am sorry' while she was bursting into tears...
This is when I felt total emptiness.
Writing this right now gives me shivers all over my body. And yet I was still hoping to hear something else after she told me she was sorry. I remember how I felt totally lost just by hearing her say these words. I did not want to believe that it was actually happening.
She ended up confessing what she did, she repeatedly told me how much she loved me and that she made a mistake. Repeatedly asking me to forgive her and this is when I closed my phone.
I felt completely empty.
I didn't know what to do at this very moment and tried to convince myself that everyone makes mistakes and I will look beyond this one, that I will forgive her because I couldn't bear losing her or seeing her end up with another one.
I tried just that, we came back living normal life for the two months following this story, every single night I felt emptiness after emptiness and at the same time I just wished it never happened. I could not take the thought of her laying with another man out of my mind, it was seriously the most painful two months of my life.
I finally decided to put an end to our relationship.
I explained myself to her and that I could never live a normal life knowing what happened and that I wished I never knew, I wished she would never have told me and that she should have kept it buried with her.
After the breakup, I started distancing myself from groups of people and friends. I lived surrounded by people who would probably end up laughing at my situation, turning it into a joke and end up telling me, "Come on man, you'll find another one."
The only person I was able to find comfort from, was my mother. I rarely cry, but I remember crying every single tears I had in my body in her presence.
Today, I am feeling way better. Writing this story publicly was not necessary but it provides me relief. It is a way to prove to myself that I am way over it and that I am actually looking forward to a new chapter in my life.
This was my secret story, the story I once thought would completely destroy me. I ended proving to myself that I am stronger than this.
-Secret Writer
Many of us have experienced this "gut wrenching" feeling of betrayal - I don't think anyone is likely to have escaped it. It has happened to me to.
Few feelings can compare to it. When you feel like you have given everything to another person in a relationship it makes you feel like your whole world is falling apart. Like everything you knew was wrong and it all changed in one moment. All those dreams and that future you envisioned cracks and crumbles and turns to dust.
Everything seems to turn to black. It can feel like your life is over and you feel completely lost - like a little rowing boat that has lost it's moorings and drifted out into a storm at sea.
I do know that some people and some couples can get over it. I do sympathise with the writer though.
Sometimes you just can't. The hurt is too much and you don't think you can trust the person ever again. I can certainly sympathise with the idea that it might have been better for them both if she had never revealed the infidelity.
I now people might think that is a terrible point of view but if she truly meant that it was not going to happen again then it was probably best to just keep it secret.
She may have been trying to do the right thing but in actual fact it may have been the worst thing to do. Perhaps she was seeking to ease her own conscience by coming clean. I don't think a relationship should be built on secrets but if it was truly one moment of madness then ignorance can perhaps be bliss.
Anyway it's good that the writer was able to move on and maybe find some catharsis in sharing this.
Good insights. I am mixed about the secrets thing. I cheated on only one person in my entire life, and I had to confess it or else I would have gone nuts. Maybe if she only had one slip up, then perhaps you are right and she should have remained silent. But, I have noticed that if someone cheats once, it's likely to happen again. Not always, but it's common. I think the writer had a right to know. I wonder if she got together with her childhood romance. Sometimes it's truly bad to get attached at such a young age when people are wanting to discover themselves through relationships....younger people don't know who they are, and they find themselves through their connection with others. This helps form us as individuals. It sucks, though, to have that level of feeling, and then it be ripped from your life.
Yes I did mean if it was a true one-off. I can understand the needing to confess part - I think that drives a lot of us to confess these things. I have never cheated in a relationship but I just know even if there is a small incident where I have screwed up I end up having to confess for my own sanity and that is the point I was trying to make. It is often for the benefit of the confessor's conscience rather than as an act of duty to protect the other person.
There is no easy answer though. On the one hand one could use the argument that for a definite one-off indiscretion it is best for both people to forget about it. On the other it could be a sign that something is wrong in the relationship and that it might happen again. I think if the partner who cheated does understand that is wrong and has no intention to do it again then I could understand keeping the secret.
I still feel a bit conflicted about it because I think it is drummed into us from an early age that we should not keep secrets in these situations and that secrets are bad.
Unfortunately life is complex and things are rarely that black or white particularly when it comes to human relationships.
Yes I think when people are younger then you can almost forgive these kind of things more easily because they are still learning and inexperienced. The feelings and the sense of having your life ripped apart is just as intense though.
Great post though and good food for thought and discussion.
I was touched by you other than you as a writer but you also have high imagination. congrats @stellabelle
👍great story, very interesting @stellabelle
Wow this nearly made me cry, what an emotional story and how horrible it must have felt. I have never been cheated on, ( not that i know off) but my dad has been cheating on my mum for years and I always saw that emptiness that is described here, which just reminds me how horrible cheating is. I am very strong believer and Im so against cheating and I really don think i would ever forgive anyone for cheating. I think with social media and apps these days, people find it too easy to cheat and dont value what they have. I hope this person finds a new chapter, and happiness in his life and most importantly feels he can trust women again. I always see this happen to good people and then they have trust issues. It makes me sad. Thanks for sharing with us! Alla x
Thanks for your insightful comments, I'm sure the secret writer will find them helpful.
I really do hope so, it has really touched my heart! :(
Thank you for sharing your story, it touched me deeply. Wow! I never understood why people are cheating. It happened to me long time ago but still fresh in my mind and deep down in my heart. I really wanted to payback but something inside me said "NO" so I never did. I didn't wanted to lower myself at that level but back then I was feeling lost and empty at the same time.
Hope all the best for you Secret Writer and everyone who been through this painful experience in life.
We all deserve happiness doesn't matter how hard it is. It's damn hard but I forgive but couldn't forget.
Thanks again for your heartbreaking story
The storytelling on this one is excellent. It builds. I flashbacked to my first true love. Not the same, but the same. She wrote me a 10 page letter and left in the middle of the night. She said all the right things, (sorry, not good enough for u, etc). Didn't help. I can still see her face after 38 years and remember little details about her. You never entirely get over it, but move on. Great post.
Oh, lord, that sounds like mine: he wrote me a long letter, gave it to me at night, but told me not to open it until the morning. In the morning, he vanished. The letter just said that everything he felt for me was a lie, something to just forget about. This was my first "true love". Turns out he had another girlfriend 4 states away and I was just some sort of dalliance to him. It destroyed me and I stopped eating, like for weeks.
I too was brought back to that time. The Writer is really good and he should consider writing books as he is very observant and a very sensitive person. Being highly sensitive makes two things: great writers and broken hearts.
Im back!!!!ahaha!!!
Sometimes. Maybe. We should never fall in love. I think. Why leave yourself so vulnerable to hurt . :(
those are my exact thoughts also. I had it happen twice and twice is already too many times.
some of us cannot withstand such pain.
I understand. But despite the potential pain, I would never trade anything in the world for falling in love with someone who love you back... Its an amazing feeling that makes you lightheaded and "drunk to stupor" with happiness
Cheating is more than horrible, if happened once hurt as a hell, if happened again in new relationship you just starting asking if I am just attracting this kind of mens, while I never cheated on anybody. After first cheat I was thinking I am going to die, after second I realized I am just to tough for cheating to kill me. One word show must go on, move on and continue to love yourself and life...Things like this happened I just decided not to be a victim and leave this behind....Do I look at every men as a cheater?? No, but I know my value to walk away because I know I can forgive but whatever I could trying to do I can't forget. ..@STELLABELLE YOU ARE GOING TO BE GOOD AS A GOLD. TRUST ME :)
....aaaand that's where he lost her. Women need a bit uncertainty. If you are a given, bye bye.
I would say that both men and women operate similarly in this department. We tend not to like those who like us to an extreme degree. It feels unhealthy. Having a healthy respect for oneself is paramount to having a loving relationship. Dependent love, the kind of romantic love this is, and I too have experienced, and that which was common in romantic literature of the past has sort of gone out of fashion. It is something that modern people reject. It feels a little creepy when someone loves you so much, like the other person's life depended upon you. It is suffocating, this kind of dependent love. It can be a stage of love too, as we mature, we become more independent, more loving of ourselves instead of attaching our worth and life onto another.
Extreme levels of the type "oh you are my whole world" are somewhat unhealthy in that it betrays that the person giving that love may have some underlying emotional issue or void that they are trying to fill.
Now men are kind of different to women in that they are not uniform in their reactions to this type of love. Actually they are divided in two categories. Those who would appreciate a total dedication (without being creeped out) and those who would exploit it. If the man is more "beta" he will tend towards the first category of appreciation/devotion. If the man is more "alpha" he will tend towards the second category of exploitation.
This story is particularly painful, because it could be my own story, set in my teenage years with my very first love.
While the years are different, the feelings are the same. I know that black hole, that emptiness.
I'd like to think that you will be able to completely recover, but depending on your level of sensitivity, that will determine a lot.
I'm a highly sensitive individual, and it sounds like you are as well, so life will be more difficult, more intense.
The scar will always remain for we can never go back to the person we once were. But this should help you: you did nothing wrong and your love was pure. The only thing you did was love passionately, with your entire being, and this type of all-consuming passion can and usually does lead to suffering on some level.
I do wonder, have you ever seen her again? Do you still dream of her or have you grown used to the emptiness? Maybe it's not even right of me to ask such questions.
For me, well, my heart has become like a solid block of coal, filled with nothing but calcified emptiness. I've grown used to this condition, which is probably some kind of tragedy of which I am completely unaware. Heal yourself now before you become like me, a living, breathing love corpse.
This will scar forever. You will get over. You will get past it and forget and learn to love again. And just like that scar, will be stronger for it.
@streetstyle
ps. Good Morn @stellabelle
Good morning. This one killed me because it is much like the story of my very first love that destroyed the better part of my teenage and early adult years.
I can relate. There is a sense of utter destruction. A void so empty and deep that it hurts. You can get drunk until you puke your liver out and the pain throbs nonetheless. It is an empty hollow place devoid of joy or feeling and yet aches to the core. Yeah, it can be pretty traumatic, but in time the Color will come back to the World, and the birds will sing again.
The will sing again but their notes will never again pierce through your scar tissue.
You've done it again!! Why do people see kindness as a weakness? Isn't it something that should be encouraged and appreciated? Taking other people's feelings for granted is absolutely disgusting, maybe this is one of the true epidemics of our modern society? No ones feelings are disposable, but then we do exist in a "throw away" society. Thank you for sharing.
ah yes, it happened twice to me................
I can sympathise with you; I didn't find my soulmate until I was 35!! We are inseparable now; or atleast I hope so!!
yes, throwaway society for sure.