Are fathers in your countries happy to have daughters?
This week I watched a Bulgarian series, surprisingly well made. The last series showed the life and lifestyle of a typical rich Bulgarian family in the past, more precisely, the beginning or the first quarter of the last century.
The father, having two daughters, while providing them with a good education, was actually doing this only so that he can trade them well - force them into arranged marriages that will be profitable for his business. Otherwise, he treats them like garbage. He even says about another person from his environment: God loves him after giving him two sons. (And he punished me to struggle with two daughters.)
Perhaps you think that this is some absolutely outdated stuff, something completely forgotten that belonged to a completely bygone and very distant era.
Basically, in Bulgaria it is accepted that the Bulgarians inherited part of the mentality, character, traditions and way of life from the Ottoman Muslims, being 5 centuries under their slavery.
Even in the movie, one daughter says to her father: "Why don't you put on the poturi and the fez?" (part of Ottoman men's clothing) To look completely Turkish, also in appearance.
But Turkish slavery is not something that passed away a very long time ago. It also did not end many years before the events shown in the film. It's only about 50 years. Then, to the present day, there is another century or so. But what is a century? Do you think this is an extremely long time? No. Programs that have shaped a mentality cannot be erased so easily. Especially when they incite themselves, over and over again, knowingly or not.
Because when I was born in the last quarter of the last century, even my father had said: No way! This can not be true. I'm not a woman's father.
My grandfather, his father, was obviously on the same level as I don't recall having any dealings with him while he was alive. I don't even have a single picture with him, he only had pictures with my brother. 😃
In my childhood and later in life, I met families with two daughters too. I always thought that their fathers suffered a lot for this. And I have always wondered how they live, what they think, if they torment themselves with thoughts all day long. Do they blame themselves for this "punishment" which is for life, do they blame their daughters for being born, do they blame their wives for not being able to bear them sons... After all, my father was "punished" only half - he still had one son.
I have also met men who said: I will make children until my wife gives birth to a boy.
And some were lucky with the third child, a boy after two girls. Others gave up making children after three girls. Because having a child in Bulgaria is still an expensive activity.
I would also say that the fathers attitude sooner or later transfers to the mother (as if she was never a daughter in the same situation). And so all attention and support, material and moral, is transferred to the son, if there is one, and the daughter quickly becomes a heavy burden that everyone wants to get rid of.
That is why in Bulgaria women even in their early 20s are already called with the insulting "old maid" if they did not manage to quickly marry someone (the first man they met, probably 😅)
And I also want to assure you that this happens in many intelligent families, so to speak, not only those who live their lives on a first signal level.
But what does intelligence mean, when people's lives and behavior are anyway guided by other things - programs, etc., absolutely unconscious, absolutely irresponsible, where intelligence plays no role.
So how is this attitude in your countries?
The photos I am showing you this time are of The Gramophone, one of the symbols of my favorite coastal city of Burgas. As always, taken by me.
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I can't understand how limited and brutal people think. Whether educated or not, there is only one true way to deal with each other. This can be found in the Charter of Human Rights, in case anyone gets lost. The good thing about the Charter is that no one can add a but to the text.
Otherwise, it is better to live with as much joy as possible. In every society, even in an imperfect one, there are niches in which life can be lived. It is beneficial to avoid anything that drags you down. Even if you have to wander or turn away to do so, think of the only life you have. Accept what you cannot change and where you have influence, be the change.
You don't get many answers from me at the moment, although you convey challenging topics with both seriousness and levity. With excellent pictures, by the way. When I reply, the answer is thought through far too quickly and, on the whole, is hardly appropriate to the depth of your topics. I would like to apologize for that. Others have written novels about your topics. There would be so much to write about. My Steem time is limited.
I am pleased to have read this recent article on International Women's Day.
TEAM 1
Congratulations! This comment has been upvoted through steemcurator04. We support quality posts , good comments anywhere and any tags.When I wrote this post, it really struck me that its publication falls exactly a day after Women's Day. But I was too lazy to just add that this is accidental, not on purpose. 🙂 And perhaps for the first time I asked myself how this text would be received. Because inside I am sharing something very personal, from which many people with psychological knowledge can probably draw various conclusions. Therefore, I wanted the text to appear even light-hearted and not serious. I might even have hoped that no one would engage with it or read it. 🤭 As I have written another time here - this is the only place where I can share things that I would not share elsewhere.
Therefore, the very fact that you bothered to read it means a lot!
I understand your inner confusion because I am talking about things that are incomprehensible and unexpected to a 'Westerner'. There's no need to apologize for that. And with this comment, you still answer my question: what is the attitude in your country, right?
Thank you! 🤗 (for everything)
Again, I will like to trace the history of your country, because everything is the same apart from our skin colour, accent and maybe economy.
Fathers preferring sons to daughters is even more strong here in Nigeria.
Many marriages have been broken because the woman couldn't give birth to a son.
Men have been mocked both in family level and community level because they couldn't give birth to a son.
Most families have been deprived their rights because they couldn't give birth to a son.
I can keep counting this on and in and on...
But I can assure you one thing...my father doesn't dislike his girls, he love all of us the same. We are 3 in number and I am the only son, but my father shares everything equally.
My opinion?
Sons and daughters are precious gift from nature and they are very important!
Why at the state, social and religious level, this understanding and attitude is like this, I cannot give a meaningful explanation. It must be very deep and very comprehensive, rooted somewhere very far back in history, in the religion that originated from it, there are probably also many conspiracy stories about the real causes, and perhaps those are the most interesting to learn. But I haven't read, I haven't dug around.
What I can say is that on a personal level, it already depends on the person himself and his emotional intelligence, his level of elevation above the crowd. It's not even about any intellectual intelligence. It is about kindness and humanity, human value. And when that happens - in the case of your father, it's the most valuable thing a person can have. You must be very proud of your father and you must love your family very much! You are truly a lucky person. 😊 Because everything starts with the family first and foremost.
Regarding the similarities between Bulgaria and Nigeria, I also continue to wonder about that. 😃 In our country, maybe this problem of not accepting girls is trying to fade with time, maybe people really evolve with time, I don't know exactly what the situation is right now, I'm just telling things from my own experience, what happened years ago and while growing up and later...
Fact!
My family is a blessing to me. And talking about my father, I think he has taught me alot of things about life and humanity.
I hope the idea of not considering the girl child important in some background fade out. It is not a good or healthy perception.
You have some great reasoning and brainstorming content here.
TEAM 1
Congratulations! This comment has been upvoted through steemcurator04. We support quality posts , good comments anywhere and any tags.My father was happy to have me and my husband cherished the birth of both our daughters. However, I won't lie; the general trend is otherwise. People often prefer sons over daughters.
For instance, my aunt has five daughters, and when she gave birth to the fifth, people sympathized with her, some even cried. Yet her husband loved each one of them with whole heart. Despite not being educated, he never despised his daughters, providing them with the best education and pampered them like anything. Now, four of them are doctors. It's all about mentality, I guess, as even education seems unrelated to this preference.
The general trend here is to still celebrate the birth of sons 10× more than the birth of daughters...
You're right, it has nothing to do with education, but more with mentality. And also, with humanity. It depends on what will prevail in a person. Because someone may be born in a place where the traditions are set, but he is just a human being first, so he feels that the traditions are not something right to be followed blindly.
In short, when the heart or reason prevails, everything else becomes secondary. And then people can live peacefully and happily.
Thanks for the honest answer 😊
Thank you, friend!
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Congratulations! This comment has been upvoted through steemcurator04. We support quality posts , good comments anywhere and any tags.