Soothing
It hurts.
That’s all I can say. Or rather, that’s all I can whimper. It hurts.
I lie back, stretching my legs on the fresh linen sheet that covers my bed. My baked nectarine flesh radiates sunburnt fever that blazes through its coolness in an instant.
He squeezes the gel in a line from the top of my ankle to just below my knee. Cold. Very cold. I like it.
Gentle fingers spread the balm with a delicate touch. My nerves send alerts up my shins, rapid-fire cries of alarming distress, but I clench my teeth together and dismiss them. The aloe needs time to penetrate. To heal.
Once finished, he kisses my forehead and turns off the light before leaving. Cricket songs join with the breeze through my window, carrying the promise of dusk that will temper the day.
Inspired by the 5 Minute Freewrite Prompt - Sunburn provided by the lovely @mariannewest!
@IsleofWrite logo design by @PegasusPhysics
I enjoy your description. Your opening line here is great.
OK, this jumped to mind when I read it, I hope I don't offend.
now look at,
Your descriptions are not streamlined, not hyper efficient dollops that arc and roll the reader forward.
Your descriptions are like grabbing someone by the ears and saying "look at it!" Then the person looks and is in awe. In awe of what they're seeing as well as in awe of being grabbed by the ears.
Don't misunderstand me, I do not mean to say that your writing is offensive in any way.
The second quote, if didn't guess, is from Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games. She is known for short terse descriptions that mean to grab a hold of the reader and not let go.
I believe her style in the novel suits Katniss well, no-nonsense, haphazard at times, and with a depth of feeling.
I think yours are smoother for the most part. I think yours are more descriptive. I don't know of many authors that can make a wordy description stand out more than a simple one. You pull it off though.
I think Katniss went through a bit more than a sunburn, but this comparison is great.
Thank you so much!
The Katniss quote I put was the first page of the novel so, at that point, you were in more pain :P
Happy writing ellie
This is true.
The style comparison is a great compliment, thank you again!
We used to have an aloe plant when I was growing up. I loved it. Thanks for the memories. Of that and sunburns. 😁
You are very welcome.
It's a wonderful plant!
Here is to your pens and feels, cheers! :)
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Well that's the prettiest way I've ever heard a sunburn described! Great use of emphasis on how cold the gel is and how you liked it! Thanks for another sweet story Ellievallie!
Thank you so much, I nearly felt the cold myself when I wrote it!
I have been there!! Aloe to the rescue!!
So much beauty in a single post! 💚
That was a very good Freewrite, it had that loving personal touch that makes a reader want to say "aww, how sweet!" 👍
Lips of time tell a beautiful rhyme, Rhyme which flows with the waves of the sublime,Sublime which spills gently from the eyes of emotion,Emotion which is fully affected
by high & low tides of the teary ocean @ellievallie god bless
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Hey ellie i like your writing style and your this post with a beautiful picture of aloevera and its white gel is really helpful and i have also used it when I was in tracking with my friends , its heals the pain very fast and your post on nature life is very helpful , thanks alot
Thank you!
I'm happy you like both the writing and the plant!
i just clicked on your post and was about to write the comment about soothing my mind and later realised your title is same @ellievallie
Because it is soothing!